Everyone bangs on about the turkey and the trimmings at Christmas, but really, the the greatest gastronomic treat of the festive season is the ability to consume an astronomical number of miniature chocolates, seemingly without limit and crucially, without any judgement from others. All bets are off at Yuletide - you want to eat three tubs of Quality Street followed by a Roses chaser and concluded by a Celebrations digestif? Be my guest. It’s like eating chocolates while driving: it doesn’t count.
But, while every single chocolate found in Roses, Celebrations, Heroes and Quality Street is, essentially, great - all chocolate is good chocolate in my book (and in my mouth) - which is the nation’s favourite?
Well, YouGov have found out and, for once in their lives, it seems the general public have got this broadly right. What do you think?
Best: Malteasers Teaser
Yes, the public are correct: the Maltesers Teaser is indeed the best. By a long way in fact, with 39% of people who have ever eaten Celebrations declaring it to their ‘favourite or one of their favourites’. As soon as the top comes off, you need to dive in and get your mitts on as many of these bad boys as you possibly can.
And the worst? The humble Mars bar, with only 15% of eaters declaring it a fave. What is it about its miniature form that doesn’t work? Something for the scientists at Mars Towers to ponder. Note also a surprisingly high performance by Bounty, taking fourth spot; personally I’ve only ever considered it a palette-cleanser between other chocolatey courses.
Best: The Purple One
Worst: Coconut Eclair
I am not able to eat nuts so I can’t comment on the validity of this one, but I am assured by non-anti-nutty colleagues that The Purple One, which triumphed by a similar margin to the Maltesers Teaser, is indeed a belter. What I can confirm is that Green Triangle and Caramel Swirls, in second and third place respectively, are both absolutely first class so well done everyone.
Bit surprised by how high up Strawberry Delight is and how low Honeycomb Crunch is, but the loser is spot on: as previously discussed coconut is, at best, an acceptable chocolate mouthwash.
Best: Hazel in Caramel
Worst: Brazilian Darkness
Again, due to generally not wanting to die, it’s very hard for me to verify the winner here, but I know that caramel is brilliant, so the winning Hazel in Caramel (28% of people declaring it as a favourite) sounds like a valid result. I can absolutely vouch that Golden Barrel (second place) is amazing as I have regularly emptied the box of these before anyone else is aware they’ve even been opened.
Strawberry performing well again I see. Maybe the nation just likes strawberries. They do well during Wimbledon I suppose so fair play.
Brazilian Darkness - toffee surrounded by dark chocolate - brings up the rear (just 10% declaring their love) which seems a little harsh to me. All the more for me though if no one else likes them. I’ll eat you little guys, don’t worry.
Real ‘Group of Death’ vibes on this one as all of these are fantastic but, sadly to have a winner we must have a loser. And the winner, just edging out the classic Dairy Milk (33%), is the Twirl (34%). Unarguable excellence, you will not hear me complaining about that, mainly as I’ll have my mouth stuffed with Twirls.
The loser, sadly, is the Eclair (17%), and I can only think this is the case because you have to chew an eclair a bit more than the others, which means it takes longer to eat, which means you will, overall, eat less chocolate, and that is something the general public cannot contemplate doing, WHICH is perfectly reasonable.