There's nothing more demeaning than reading a celebrity rich list. A horrible reminder that there are people out there worth more than you and your Facebook friends combined (times 20), it's often littered with celebs who really, genuinely don't deserve the cash they take for granted.
But it's nothing compared to this. Animals, who clearly don't need any more attention than they already have (thanks internet), have been slowly racking up the pennies behind our naïve backs all this time.
With no charitable urges or humanitarian concerns, these selfish beasts have been laughing/barking/squawking all the way to the bank while we struggle along. Here are seven of the worst offenders.
(Images: Rex Features)
Dog (£90 million or $145 million)
Now Gunther isn't just a bit rich, he's absurdly, offensively loaded. The German Shepherd inherited his fortune from his father, who in turn had received the money from his completely not crazy owner Karlotta Liebenstein when she died. Aside from spending his money on the obvious (chewy bones, bitches), Gunther also purchased Madonna's old Miami home and a rare white truffle worth £1,000, a favourite delicacy of pavement-sniffing, bin-foraging dogs.
Cat (£15 million or $25 million)
The world's richest cat earned his millions after his owner Ben Rea died. Rea's relatives received nothing while the reclusive millionaire made sure his furry BFF would be kitted out in the finest collars for the rest of his life. As the richest cat in the world, he's earned himself a place in the Guinness Book of World Records yet he's opted for a life outside of the spotlight and his whereabouts are unknown. Has anyone checked the laundry basket?
Chicken (£6 million or $10 million)
Now, it's hard to get too angry with the annoyingly unpronounceable Gigoo. While most of her brothers, sisters, cousins and vague acquaintances are likely to find themselves covered in breadcrumbs and shovelled into the mouths of toddlers, this plucky hen found herself at the centre of publishing mogul Miles Blackwell's will once his wife died. Whether or not his wife died from severe pecking injuries is unknown.
Dog (£1 million or $1.6 million)
A sad story here. This poor Maltese terrier, owned by property billionaire Leona Helmsley, found his inheritance slashed from £6 million after relatives contested. The tragic mutt will now have to downscale his spending habits, probably opting for Sheba over foie gras and having to fire the dog who chews his bones for him first.
Tina and Kate
Dogs (£450,000 or $720,000)
While most dogs are aware of their place within the scheme of things (pretty low down), Tina and Kate are two spoilt brats who've actually managed to engineer their way above at least one human. This poor gent is their carer who was paid to look after them and the house they've inherited from their deceased owner. The dogs regularly taunt their slave by burning £50 notes and barking the theme tune to Golden Girls for hours on end. Well, maybe. Rich bitches.
Cat (£100,000 or $160,000)
Probably the most shameful entrant on the list is unsurprisingly of the feline family. A manipulative stray called Tinker "befriended" an elderly woman who died soon after leaving him the money in her will and the run of her three bedroom house. Unsurprisingly, this decision angered many and Tinker's nine lives were in danger. Death threats caused him to be moved to a safe house. Sorry, safe mansion.
Tortoise (£16,667 or $27,000)
Now, admittedly Silverstone's total net worth isn't as impressive as some of the other entrants on the list but we're intrigued to know what a 50-year-old tortoise is going to do with all that cash. The former plaything of bookshop tycoon Christina Foyle, Silverstone gained his name after proving himself speedier than expected. Speedier than expected for a tortoise remains slow enough for an easy mugging, so keep your eyes peeled for a gold-plated reptile with a smugger than usual expression. Make a wallet out of him. JOKE! JEEZ!