Food can be boring, right? Gets a bit stale after a while. Oooh, another burger. Great, same old ham and cheese sandwich. Wow, thanks, a plate of spag bol, you’re the best.
So now and again, it’s nice to mix things up a bit – switch around your ingredients, think outside the box. Sometimes, they work, sometimes they don’t (like Marmite mixed into tinned mackerel – trust me), but isn’t half the thrill in the finding out?
Whether it is or isn’t, here’s a good selection of at least ten combinations that I’ve found to be mighty worth trying:
Coffee with sriracha sauce
This should not work. Coffee should not really be combined with anything other than sugar and milk. OK, fine, I add honey to it sometimes, and if I’m feeling like a Greedy Gus, then I might pop in a bit of that naughty hazelnut syrup or something. But only on birthdays and funerals.
So adding sriracha sauce to your nice morning coffee seems a tad rogue. But believe in me, and yourself, and give it a go. If you need properly perking up, then this is the combination for you – your arse will be through the roof in no time.
Chips and McFlurry
McDonald’s chips are peng, McDonald’s McFlurrys are peng. Add them both together, and what do you get? Peng. This’ll pretty much work with any chip and/or any ice cream, but there’s something about ordering just those two items, immediately pouring your chips into the McFlurry and eating it all without breaking eye contact with the cashier. If you can mix it all together in a shoe, then even better.
Peanut butter and Philadelphia on toast
Both of these things are good on toast – I think peanut butter pips it, to be honest, but they’re both a laugh. Add them together, and you’re looking straight down the throat of ultimate, creamy pleasure.
Warning: this is extremely annoying to spread, but persevere and you’ll need to have a bottom-half shower straight afterwards.
An instant noodle sandwich
Two pieces of white bread, loads of butter and then a whole packet of 60p instant noodles shoved in between. No nutritional value, loads of carbs, and a pretty hefty sprinkling of regret. Best eaten in front of the mirror, on the floor, naked.
Ready salted Pringles dipped in mayonnaise
You’re sort of supposed to have Pringles with dip, aren’t you? The best dip is sour cream and chive, obviously, but there are others out there to try – go wild. However, the best dip is hiding in your fridge – no, not blood, it’s mayonnaise. Dip some ready salted (and it has to be ready salted) Pringles in mayonnaise and Bob is now your uncle, and potentially, if she’s got the time, Fanny can provisionally be your aunt.
Related: A roast dinner with mayonnaise
Everyone loves a roast dinner, even if they’re just pretending – it’s something you have to say if you are British. And obviously, a roast dinner isn’t a roast dinner without heaps of gravy. What you didn’t realise is, that putting a load of mayonnaise in with the gravy will make the whole meal at the very least, three times better.
Yes, it curdles, and yes, it looks a bit like something you might find under the covers in a weird hostel in Swanage, but yo, that shit is the opposite of wack. Mayonnaise and gravy on roast potatoes = yes please. Mayonnaise and gravy on chicken = put it in me. Mayonnaise and gravy on Brussels sprouts = they are now nice. Mayonnaise and gravy in a pint glass = I shouldn’t have been drinking this in bed because I’ve spilled it – I hope they clean this properly before the next person visits this hostel.
Milk and Skittles
Pour yourself a nice pint of milk, then pour about half a packet of Skittles in it. Wait a bit, then drink it whilst watching Teletubbies. It’s top-stuff, tastes amazing and as a cool, hip extra feature: the milk goes a funny colour. Then when you’ve finished the milk, you’ve got a glass full of soggy sweets at the bottom to pour down your big, annoying, childish gob.
Pasta, beef mince, gherkins and burger sauce
I made this at uni once, and as soon as I took one bite, I realised that it tasted exactly like a Big Mac. I begrudgingly allowed my housemates to try some, and they all agreed, so we put all of our genius creative minds together and came up with a snappy, easily marketable name: Big Mac Pasta. I made it numerous times throughout the term and each time a year fell off my lifespan!
Salt, pepper, and porcelain
Sometimes I like to grind a load of salt and pepper onto a clean plate and then just lick it.
Do not do this though, I think it is dangerous.
Pineapple and pizza
ONLY JOKING YOU FUCKING DANGER.