Star Wars
Though for every ten Han Solo in carbon figurines there is always one more questionable movie tie-in figurine - either an ill-thought out blunder that spawned from a toy company’s marketing department or simply a character who didn't really deserve to be immortalised in plastic forever, potentially ruining some young scamp's birthday present.
Mint condition or not, here are the most unnecessary ever made.
Mr Miyagi - The Karate Kid
Why batter high school bullies at karate tournaments and win the girl with your Daniel-San action figure when you can step into the shoes of a heartbroken old man battling the demons of his dead wife and child? Miniature chopsticks and plastic housefly sold separately.
Wheelchair Rocky – Rocky II
As Rock himself once put it, "It ain't about how hard you hit – it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Which we presume won’t be a problem for Wheelchair Rocky, so long as wheelchair ramps and other disabled facilities are installed correctly.
Real world Neo – The Matrix
No skills, no cool leather jacket, no guns, no glasses, just a torn and tatty outfit making Neo of The Matrix franchise look as if he’s wandered into a mid-nineties music video for Skunk Anansie. Red pill, blue pill. we’ll take a fistful of whichever stops us looking like this ‘real world’ Neo. The fake one’s fine for us.
Sleeping Nicky – Little Nicky
The only thing we can say about this slumbering Adam Sandler figure is that he must have suffered the indignity of watching his own film. We’re snoring just thinking about it.
Terl – Battlefield Earth
John Travolta as a Rastafarian space alien in a major flop loosely associated with the teachings of Scientology? Yep, we’ll put that pride of place on top of our mantelpiece, no doubt about that.
Dennis Nedry – Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park
Mary Jane Watson – Spider-Man
Street Fighter
Bob – Batman
Batman
The entire set – Django Unchained
Django Unchained
Gracie Law – Big Trouble In Little China
There certainly would have been big trouble on Christmas day had we ever opened this howler of a toy. Given Kim Cattrall’s character was pretty one-note in the film, it’s utterly pointless. Anyway, we all know a plastic incarnation of Kurt Russell’s macho truck driver Jack Burton is where the action is at. If only for that vest.
