There is a giant cheese festival coming to London
Cheese, cheese, everywhere, cheese, cheese, in my hair
DO YOU LIKE CHEESE? I LIKE CHEESE! WHY AM I SHOUTING? BECAUSE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT CHEESE AND I GET VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
And why are we talking about cheese? Well, because there is an entire festival of it, an entire street of it coming to London in April. That is so much cheese, and you can bloody well try all of it. Just think of the calories, envisage the creamy fat, drool over the sexy cholesterol - then flop open your big jaw, grab a hunk of the nearest gone-off milk, and slam it into your trap whilst twisting your jeans up in your fist with the other hand. Make a real spectacle of it.
Parliament Hill Farmers Market is hosting Cheese Street NW5, and will be filling Hampstead Heath with local food traders to ply their cheeses to those drooling maws of yours that we talked about.
Cheese-makers such as Quickes Cheese, Wildes Cheese and The Old Cheese Room will be present, and Cellarman will be running exclusive cheese tours which will include tastings all washed down with wine and beer. Tours I should mention, will cost you a measly six quid! A joke!
The rest of the fest? Well that’s a joke too, because it’s FREE. That’s right, all that ridiculous goodness on offer, for the price of a mouthful of air, a fistful of water, a sneeze - I love it.
Alongside all the tastings, there’ll be ‘guess the weight of the cheese truckle’ competitions, ‘Cheese Angels’ roaming the street gifting you heinous little morsels of the good stuff, as well as a huge street food contingent (all cheese-based, of course), including The Poutinerie, Mac to the Future and The Cheese Truck - it’s all extremely exciting for you and me both. Just look at how much my handfs arre shaakkging.
If you want to head down, it’s hitting Parliament Hill on 28th April, with additional dates on 17th June (Blackheath), 2nd September (Walthamstow) and 30th September (Islington). You can also grab tickets to the first Cheese Tour here.
Also, notice how I haven’t used a single cheese pun in this article? That’s because they are, without exception, re-cheese-ally sh-cheese-it.
(Image: Cheese Street NW5)