It is the Ice Age now, everyone. The summer is over and the world has frozen over. All the plants have died and - I hate to break it to you - but the rabbits and stuff have, too. They’re all rock-solid with icicles hanging off their little noses - almost everything is dead and cold. And you, you, you’ll be next if you don’t put some clothes on, buster. Want your skin to shatter like a hurled vase? Want to finally achieve the highest state of rigor mortis? No, you don’t, so get involved with some of this:
(Ignore the above para if the sun comes out again, which it might do. Will probably do. Will definitely do. Is literally doing right now.)
Camel cotton moleskin trousers by OUR LEGACY (£295)
Nice pair of sexy moleskin straight-legs here, all good and ready to house your lovely legs. All nice and soft, these are, with a thick cut that’ll put you in good stead for the rapidly oncoming reign of the Ice God. Reckon they’ll probably be alright in the interim, too.
Red monogram relaxed fit hoody by TOMMY HILFIGER (£125)
Nice slice of preppy US style from Tommy Hilfiger with this college-esque hoody. Wanna play a bit of lacrosse and hang out, macking by the bleachers? Stick this on, and providing you’ve got a good imagination, you can potentially summon up a mental image of what it must be like to “mack”. Enjoy your new-found and imaginary sexual-popularity, ya big jock!
Burn orange classics backpack by EASTPAK X RAF SIMONS (£170)
Oooh, what a colour that is. In fact, what a backpack. Just an all-round nice piece of work, that is, up there. It’s an Eastpak, too, so that zip isn’t going to break on day ten, and day 45 won’t gift you a nice and embrassing snapped strap and spill in public. Nobody, and we mean nobody wants to see what you’re keeping in there. That time you dropped your pencil case and it was full of snail shells? That seemed like a mere prelude to the main event - keep that bag closed, mate. It’s a sequel nobody wants.
Check jacket by ZARA (£69.99)
Every wardrobe should have at least one dash of check, and this jacket will neatly fit into that slot in a very ‘statement’ way. Does “a very ‘statement’ way” mean anything? It probably does not, but when you write about clothes every week, sometimes you’ve just got to make up an absolute nonsense sentence and hope it sticks.
Anyway, this jacket is an absolute piece of fashion, so hit the style-zone big-time and you’ll be donning threads till the menswear comes home, you absolute trend-wagon - it’ll be your favourite clothe!
Blue stripe short sleeve shirt by NEW LOOK (£17.99)
Vertical stripes - that’s where it’s at, it seems, so hop on them as soon as you can, before everyone’s wearing them. As are revere collars, as it happens, so flicking across a bit of dough onto the counter next to this number will be a worthy investment. Can you even class it as an ‘investment’ at £17.99? Not really, that’s a bargain, that is.
Black various times t-shirt by WOOD WOOD (£48)
What’s cool is having a black top, and then having white writing on its sleeves. You should know this by now. A classic font, an arbitrary phrase, get it on the sleeve. And if you’ve got it on the front or the back, too? Well then, even better - all other t-shirt-wearers have much to learn from you: ‘The T-railblazer’. That’s what everyone will call you. That’s your new name. You are required to change it officially by deed poll or face dire consequences.
Ecru tearaway jeans by YMC (£165)
Let’s get personal: ecru, is it perhaps my favourite colour of the moment? Yes, probably (I also like black because it very accurately represents the recesses of my soul), and any excuse to plonk down a purchase on an ecru garment is a good excuse in my book. These jeans are therefore next on my rather lengthy, daunting and almost certainly financially ruinous list - nicely cropped, regular fit - oh they are nice, how nice they truly are.
OG white / flowere power UA classic slip-on 98 DX Anaheim Factory by VANS (£60)
SHOES WITH FLOWERS ON, HOT-STEP!
Red bleach dye sweatshirt by STUSSY (£144)
What once was cool, is cool again - this is how things work. Something that was good a while back, will soon be good again, usually in about twenty years. As is the case with tie-dye - originally the preserve of ‘90s stoners, it is now available to 2018 ones, too. Oh, and everyone else as well - if you like the pattern, sodding well wear it. Also, with tie-dye, you’re not likely to get the same garment twice, and that’s fun, isn’t it?
Grey skinny fit jeans by NICCE (£55)
Five pairs of jeans? That’s probably about right for a normal person, yeah? Dark denim, stone wash, black, ECRU (baby!!) and a pair of grey/lighter black ones? That should do you for pairing with whatever you’ve got going on on top. Thing about jeans is that they (should) last a long time, so it’s fine to get a nice collection going - you won’t have to replenish too often. Unless of course you’ve got a massive and debilitating habit of squatting too low on the dancefloor and absolutely ripping the arse out of them in public YET AGAIN, of course. Haha, not me though!