October is the best month - because of Halloween - but that’s no excuse to be dressing like a ghoul already, mate. Sort out your dress sense and load up on some good stuff before people start thinking you’re the living dead - the only excuses for having rips on your jeans there is if you’ve been decaying for the past five years.
Browse this collection of nifty pieces and save your current wardrobe for the 31st, you CREATURE! Jokes. You look great, obviously because you’re reading this and definitely care about what you wear.
Yeah, back on my overshirt grind once more, recommending a nice, thick, sturdy bit of kit to drape over yourself - this hefty number is a perfect example. Nice bit of green - wear green, btw, wear the absolute heck out of green - to go with your jeans and boots. A lovely slice of workwear to dupe onlookers with - pop this on and they’ll never know you’re actually a workshy layabout!
“A child has drawn on this pair of pants, may I please have a discount, barkeep” will not work in this situation, as the doodles are supposed to be there - it’s fashion, mate, maybe you should look it up sometime. Anyway, a pair of trousers in my favourite colour - ecru? Yes please, Santa Claus, I require you get out of bed early and deliver them to me early, in October, you workshy layabout!
This one is lovely and looks a little bit like sleepwear, which is a big new fashionable trend you should be wearing in actual life now. Trust us on this. Also, you can never have enough shirts, can you? Like, it might become a problem if you had, I dunno, one million shirts, but if you had a nice round amount like 20, that’s a good haul, that is. Enough so that you never run out before you’ve done a wash, but not too few that people start calling you Two Shirt Tommy at work. Nobody wants to be Two Shirt Tommy, the workshy layabout!
Oh man, that there be a lovely shirt, make no mistake. Pastel colours are an absolute affirmative on the offense, red leader, and must be snapped up whenever possible. They work in the summer and you better believe that they work in the winter, too - and this shirt has THREE OF THEM! Whoever made this shirt certainly wasn’t a worksh- [Think we’d better nip this in the bud now - Ed]
Now, this is tough. On the one hand, you want these trainers, because they are extremely nice. On the other, many other people will share this same opinion, and will therefore want to buy them. What I’m saying is - they’re effectively the new Reebok classics and everyone will be wearing this trainer by next year, and it is up to you whether you want to join in. Pro: you’ll have a very nice pair of shoes. Con: so will everyone else. I shall leave this quandary in your very capable hands but also say: get them now so you can say you started the trend. Good luck.
You may, as a younger child in the ‘90s, have owned a large puffer jacket - this is a shared experience to which many of us can attest. “I’m not wearing what I wore at school!” you may shout, loudly, in public, but consider this: please be quiet. You should get an oversized puffer jacket because they are extremely good and this naughty little red mischief-maker is an absolute bargain. £65 to look good and also not freeze to death? That’s money well spent. Money not to die - it’s what we go to work for.
One thing I’ve learned throughout my travels, is that things that look comfy usually are. A big bed made out of towels - looks comfy; is. A big hug from five sheep in a barn just off the M25 - looks comfy; is, seriously, trust me. A pair of jeans made out of sandpaper - does not look comfy and as my failed business venture so painfully showed; absolutely isn’t.
This jumper looks supremely comfy and therefore according to the logic displayed above, I will stake my non-existent reputation on the fact that it 100% will be. The added bonus? It looks nice and it’s more eye-catching than the fleece your dad has been wearing to do the gardening in for the last 23 years.
It’s tough, but you’re gonna have to start thinking about rain, right about now. Sure, you probably got rained-on this summer, but at no point did you actually think about it prior to getting wet - it’s just not something you do in the summer months. However, it’s October now and things are going to start getting wet at a frighteningly fast frequency, which means you need to prepare. The best way of doing this is to buy a nice waterproof jacket.
This one is absolutely, 100% that. Oh for the love of Pete, it sure is. You turn up to the next ruined cricket match in this, and you’ll be batting off compliments like some sort of, erm, cricketer or something. Yeah, it might be a bit ‘dotty’ for some but that’s no bad thing. It simply means that only the truly brave will reap the rewards, of which there will be aplenty.
Talking of batting away compliments, the slogan on this simple grey hoodie can be interpreted as preempting that very situation, and then carrying it out without you having to do anything.
“ERM, EXCUSE ME, READ THE HOODIE, I DON’T NEED YOUR BROWN-NOSING” you’ll screech.
“I’m afraid to say you have not passed your three-month probation - you’re just not a good fit for the company” they will reply.
If you look closely, you will notice that this comfy-looking (see above) fleece jumper is split down the middle and carries two different shades - what fun these fashion designers have nowadays. And what fun you could have, if you wore this - both comfy AND fashion-forward, the two most fun things to be! That’s you: Comfy Chris the Fashion-Forward Fellow (the artist formally known as Workshy Will the Layabout Loser).