The Queen’s speech is always a treat. Every year you pretend you’re going to watch it on Christmas Day but really you’ve got Top of the Pops on an hour delay and you’re a bit too pissed to watch the monarch drone on about the year that’s passed, with a speech she didn’t even write herself.
You might, however, want to tune in to this one. You know how papers have obituaries ready for old or hedonistic celebrities? Ready to be wheeled out at any moment? Well the Queen sort of has the same thing for us mortals. It was revealed that the Queen has a speech prepared in the event of World War Three, which, in the current political climate, doesn’t seem that far fetched.
However, the speech was originally written at the height of the Cold War in 1983 and released 30 years later in 2013 in accordance with the rules of the National Archive.
If the recent Russian and North Korean international war banter is anything to go by, we think she might have to open it up on her laptop, click ‘enable for editing’ and rename it ‘End-of-days-speech-2018.doc’. The speech, presumably written by a minion or eight, is quite uplifting and calm, despite it’s premise being ‘Oh no we’re all going to die, except probably me, the Queen’.
The speech starts by referencing how Christmas wasn’t that long ago, a handy distraction to impending death, and then goes on to hark back to her own childhood when war was announced by her father, King George:
“I have never forgotten the sorrow and the pride I felt as my sister and I huddled around the nursery wireless set listening to my father’s inspiring words on that fateful day in 1939. Not for a single moment did I imagine that this solemn and awful duty would one day fall to me.”
Swiftly moving on to Things Being Really Really Bad, the Queen goes on to say: “We all know that the dangers facing us today are greater by far than at any time in our long history. The enemy is not the soldier with his rifle nor even the airman prowling the skies above our cities and towns but the deadly power of abused technology.”
No worries lads, just the brief mention of nuclear war there.
We can’t help there’s no mention of crazed world leaders getting us into this mess, and the innocent lives that will be pointlessly lost as a result. She does however, end on a compassionate note as she implores us to “Help those who cannot help themselves, give comfort to the lonely and the homeless and let your family become the focus of hope and life to those who need it”. The full speech can be found here.
Let’s hope she never has to use it, ey?