Think of the air in Shoreditch and you might think of car pollution, smoke wafting from old man pipes being ironically used by young men, and the opaque remnants of paint bombs detonated at a resurrecting the brief nu-rave movement of 2005.
At any rate, not the sort of air that’s any good for you.
But in news to make you question why we even bother functioning as a human race, a website called ShoreditchAir is selling exactly that, bottling the smog of this trendy part of London in mason jars and pricing them at the interesting price of £19.99 each. Oh and it's an extra tenner for UK postage and £20 for international folk.
'Surely it’s some offbeat art project', you might be thinking. Or clever way for environmental campaigners to raise money how much car pollution clogs up urbanised areas? Well, according to The Mirror, it’s actually the alt business model of 29-year-old Carl Casis - known as Twitter as Spyxe1 – who’s been hoping to grab the attention of recruiters by cashing in on the reputation of the trendy London borough.
"We're Shoreditch Air and we bottle the finest of London's Air, so if you're missing home or would just like to get an idea of what London smells like you've come to the right place”, his website states. “More areas and editions of London Air coming soon!”
Yep, customers will soon also be able to get a fix of Brixton air and Croydon air, along with an A.M edition of Shoreditch smog. Which brings us to the other obvious question mark surrounding this daft development.
Sure, it could be an April Fools joke. But, given that this news first came out yesterday - 31 March - the day before April fool's day, this just makes it even more infuriating and hipster. Because pranking the day before April Fools IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. Even if it is revealed to be one big fat mustachioed hoax, society might as well implode on itself right now. We don’t care if someone was so hipster they deemed it Ok to play fast and loose with the dates, the joke would be flatly on them.
While erring on the side of caution, right now we suspect the joke is on anyone purchasing a jar of mouldy air.
The end truly is nigh.