September, eh? Wouldn’t have thought that would ever come round so quickly, would you? But it HAS, it absolutely 100% HAS in every possible, conceivable way. It is here, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Unless, of course, you buy something. You can buy something about it. Buy a new top because it’s September. Buy a pair of trainers because it’s September. It’s so easy, navigating the transitions between months, and all it takes is to lose a bit of that bank balance in the process.
So what should you buy? Glad you asked.
Think denim jackets are boring, do ya? Firstly, you are wrong (they come in so many colours), and secondly, you are wrong, because look at this snazzy little number. It’s your run-of-the-mill dark denim jacket, but what’s that? Oh it’s got gosh-darn embroidered sleeves! Sleeves like you’ve never seen! Sleeves that shall one day take over the world.
Denim jackets, boring, pah!
You put this on your finger, right, and then it makes your finger fun. Now you have a fun finger that you can show off when you put your card on the barriers on the tube, or when you shake someone’s hand and forcibly twist their wrist over so that yours is on top, or when you give every single person you walk past on the street the middle finger. Seriously, people will love you and your fun finger.
This is nice, and also essential - you need yourself a windbreaker because of, you know, ‘the weather’. Thing is, most windbreakers are FOR NERDS AND DORKS, so make sure you get a proper nice one like this. That way, you can protect your precious skin from the scary wind and rain like a big poindexter, but not look like one whilst doing it.
Normally this top would say: “I own a quad bike”, but look, things change and trends appear and time moves on. Maybe stop with the pigeonholing and lighten up a bit. And also, if you do actually have a quad bike, then there’s no difference there. Don’t forget to wear a helmet though.
Check back next week for The best new quad bike helmets you can buy this week – September 10
Lovely zip-up overshirt/jacket here that’ll hoick a smart casual outfit up a few notches or so on the sartorial ladder. It’ll sort you out as a throw-on if you’re nipping down the pub on a Saturday, too, now I think about it. About the pub, that is. That’s what I’m thinking about. I must finish this article quickly so that I may turn my thoughts into reality. This is the nature of the beast.
Anyway nice jacket.
A classic denim jacket for £30? That’s a steal that is. If you don’t already have one, then now’s your chance - there’s not much more versatile than a denim jacket, and it deserves to be in every man’s wardrobe, with no excuses. Price isn’t even an excuse with this one. You have zero excuses, yet again. Always in trouble with nowhere to go, aren’t you? DETENTION!
Cold time, soon, so you’ll be wanting a hoody at some point, no mistake. A nice big red one so that everyone knows you mean business. Strolling down the street like the humanoid embodiment of Rudolph’s nose, simultaneously asserting your fashion-dominance over the proletariat and also reminding them of Christmas. And blood.
This is a bit different - a nice lightweight jacket (another essential, FYI) but with a bit more going on than your usual Millets special. Also, if you’re feeling particularly adventurous, then you can pair them with the matching set of trousers, too. Look at you!
Umbro - you haven’t had a pair of them for a while, have you? Not since your astros back in Year 6. Well, sort that out, because they’re bringing it back with stuff like this - keeping an old-school flavour but also chunking it up like so many others are right now. A mixture of old and new - like you. There’s no hiding from it - get some trainers that reflect that, sheesh.