Morning/Afternoon/Night (delete as applicable), how are you? Thinking about clothes are you, yet again? Clothes this, clothes that, why don’t you marry clothes? You’re like a broken record, banging on about them all the time - we get it, you love them. Like, newsflash, Clothes-Man, we love them too, but you don’t see us doing a weekly column recommending the best ones to buy, do you?
Oh, you do? In that case, here’s this week’s list:
Yes, it’s all well and good owning a load of white socks. Yes, it’s all well and good owning a load of black socks. Yes, it’s all well and good owning a load of ankle socks. No, it is absolutely not all well and good not owning a pair of yellow socks. Buy a pair of yellow socks. Yellow is good, yellow is fun, yellow is a colour that is perfect for socks. A little dash of brightness shining through underneath your jeans, there - popping a little bit of personality into your outfit without going the whole hog and making you look like Big Bird. Yellow socks, thumbs up from us.
Were cowboys the original Kings of Cool? Yes, probably, with their hats and their belts and their shirts. Yes, their shirts, still cool now, actually (or at least they’re having somewhat of a resurgence), and you can follow that trend almost literally by grabbing this one from Topman, which has actual cowboys on it. It doesn’t get more cowboy shirt than that, you yella-bellied, namby-pamby city-slicker, ya.
You see, what I would have liked to have done here, is run that slogan through Google Translate, but as it’s on a photo, it’s impossible to copy and paste. As such, I have no idea what it says.
It’s a lovely hat, and you should think about buying it, but it could say “TWAT” on it. It’s up to you.
Often, when buying clothes, the difficult question arises of whether one should spend a lot of money on a branded item if that brand is not visible on the garment. Like, do you really want to spend £150 on a white t-shirt when you could get an almost identical one from H&M? Possibly not.
However, this t-shirt has a great socking big BURBERRYS on the front so every sucker knows you’re a Billy Big Bollocks. Whack that wallet out, Mr. Deeds.
Oooh yes, this is one smooth backpack. Look at that, there, all matte and sexy - you could kiss it, if you wanted, that backpack. Caught kissing it in your room, by your flatmate, spooning it on the floor, smooching it like you’re about to do something rude. Embarrasing for you, this whole sorry affair has been. I’d suggest just wearing it on your back like a normal, but each to their own - I’m not an authority on kissing. It’s 2018, kiss what you like.
What camp are you in? Button-up polos, or zip? Right in this very moment, this very second, it’s gotta be the zip. Maybe tomorrow we’ll be back to Button City, but as it stands currently, it’s Team Zip. And if you’re also on our side, then this striped one from NICCE is one you’re going to be wanting to swiftly zip up around that neck of yours. Just be careful you don’t get your sexy, sexy chest hair caught up in it, Burt.
I actually know what it says on this hat, and that is: NY.
Flowers on shirts = yes, a good idea. A nice, bright, lairy short-sleeved with a bunch of colourful flowers on is an absolute summer staple. Worth toning the rest of your outfit down, lest you want to look like Timmy Mallet (Shortlist.com, bringing you on-the-pulse references 24/7), but go as out-there as you like with the top half. The Hawaiian shirt will never die, and neither will you if you wear one.*
*Not a guarantee
Imagine being a knee! Imagine, in this weather, being a sodding knee! It’s so hot and sweaty, and you’re there, in between the thigh and the shin and there’s a thick sheet of denim smothering your face. How absolutely terrible, it must be, to be a knee.
So spare a thought and slide on a pair of breezy track shorts and give those knobbly so-and-sos some breathing room. How nice it is, now, to be, a… KNEE.
White t-shirts are great if you are on top of your washing, but not so much if you’re not - gotta seperate them from your colours, mate, and that’s extra effort. Get two dirty linen baskets, is my tip.
Anyway, nice Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt here, for the whites basket.
Two handles on a bag
One too many, it’s seeming?
This must be a gag
I have started screaming
OI THE WORLD CUP’S OVER NO MORE STRAINED FOOTBALL’S COMING HOME JOKES FOR A BIT THANKS