It’s that time of year again.
It also means you’ll see Christmas jumpers out in force.
Sure, Christmas Jumper Day might not be here until December 15, but right now we’ve got that lad from work whose name you never got round to asking living out his best Christmas Jumper Life.
Want to be like that guy? The options are topical, plentiful and - if you want to be generous with the meanings of words - funny.
And we do want to be generous, because it’s Christmas.
1. Danny Dyer Christmas Geez jumper
It’s important to honour bringers of joy at this time of year, and who has brought more joy to more people than Santa Claus? Danny Dyer, that’s who.
£34.99 from NotJust
2. Louis Theroux Santa sweater
Everyone’s favourite TV documentarian (well, their favourite who deals with humans at least) has some new specials arriving in time for Christmas, which means this Louis Theroux Christmas jumper has never been (and perhaps will never be) as culturally relevant as it is now.
£34.61 from RedBubble
3. Sonic the Hedgehog skiing jumper
Can hedgehogs ski? Does it matter? These questions and more left unanswered by this Christmas jumper featuring Sonic, Tails and Knuckles. Feels like they’d catch their deaths going out in just scarves, mind you.
£39.99 from Geek Store
4. Gareth Southgate waistcoat jumper
The World Cup feels so long ago. Those incredible highs and painful lows might be distant memories, but Gareth Southgate and his waistcoat live on. Show your pride in England’s manager and the country’s collective dad with this jumper.
£34.99 from NotJust
5. Jiggle Apparel ‘David Attenborough’ sweater
Christmas is a time for honesty (apart from when asked for feedback on grandma’s ‘interesting’ present), and what’s more honest than admitting the horrible impact humans have had on this slowly dying planet? David knows.
£28 from Jiggle Apparel
6. Rick and Morty Let’s Get Schwifty knitted jumper
Rick and Morty is coming back for a ton of new episodes, so this will surely never go out of fashion. Even better, you’ll be able to inadvertently mimic Rick’s face on the jumper after overdoing things on Christmas Eve
£34.99 from GeekCore
7. Jingle Bell Rock sweater
As you may have heard, we’re big fans of The Rock here at ShortList. We’re also quite keen on puns, which makes this Christmas jumper ideal, frankly.
£27 from Etsy
8. Sequin Hipster Santa
How has Santa ended up with a beard made of glitter? Presumably some sort of chimney-based prank, which also explains his need for sunglasses in late December.
£30 from River Island
9. Crash Bandicoot Jumper
Crash Bandicoot has to make his way through a bunch of different winter-themed levels in the rebooted PlayStation game released in 2017, so it only makes sense for the marsupial to have his mug on the front of a Christmas jumper. No sign of his trusty polar bear, though.
£34.99 from GAME
10. Skiing Dinosaurs
Remember a little earlier when we were debating whether hedgehogs can ski? Disregard that - we’ve got a much bigger debate on our hands. We’re going to go with “yes, dinosaurs would be great at skiing but they may have chosen not to”, but are open to counter-arguments.
£32 from Topman
11. Pokemon Christmas sweater
The Pokemon Go hype might have died down a little in the last couple of years, but if you’re a fan of the original games then Pokemon is for life, and also for Christmas. Nintendo know this, which is why they’re selling a Christmas jumper with Ash and Pikachu.
£34.99 from Nintendo
12. Home Alone Merry Christmas jumper
The best Christmas movie is not Die Hard, regardless of what your boring former university housemate says. It is, of course, Home Alone 2. That famous piece of film-within-a-film dialogue, ‘Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal’, looks perfect on a cosy jumper while you’re opening your presents.
£29.99 from Truffle Shuffle
13. Game of Thrones Christmas is Coming
Christmas is coming - well, it’s coming more quickly than the final season of Game of Thrones, anyway. The perfect garment to wear while dying in a bloodbath in front of a TV audience of millions.
£21.99 from Grindstore
14. Guardians of the Galaxy jumper
They might have removed Galaxy Truffles from Celebrations boxes but there’s still at least one way to incorporate Galaxy into your Christmas celebrations. Too tenuous? Nonsense.
£19.99 from GAME
15. Jumper Christmas Yoda
It’s the time of year for a wise old man who gives you gifts, and also for a green fella who steals Christmas and belittles you at every opportunity. Why not combine the best elements of both with this Yoda number?
£34.99 from Amazon
16. Boohoo Santa and Elf two-person jumper
So far all of these jumpers have been for one person, which feels a little restrictive. You’re already going to be spending an uncomfortable amount of time with the same people for days on end, and this will allow you to take things to the next level.
£25 from Asos
17. Spyro the Dragon jumper
We’re expecting a Spyro the Dragon reboot in the not-too-distant future, and if the purple of the eponymous character is anywhere near as vivid as on this jumper we’ll love it.
£34.99 from Geek Store
18. The Grinch sweater
It’s a little known rule that if you wear this Grinch jumper on Christmas Day you are required to speak in rhyme for the entire time. Better get practicing!
£14 from Primark
19. Triceratops jumper
Last year the Natural History Museum brought out a T-Rex jumper, which - while good - left some room for improvement. Now, though, they have knocked it out of the park with a jumper containing a triceratops: objectively the best dinosaur.
£50 from The Natural History Museum
(All images via the stores in question)