Justin Trudeau challenges Matthew Perry to a rematch

Posted by
Gary Ogden

So last month, we brought you a pretty hard-hitting news story – back when Matthew Perry (most famous for Three To Tango, a film in which he pretends to be gay to get close to a woman he fancies) was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! he revealed that he beat up Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau at school. Of course, this being on national television and all, it was bound to get back to Trudders at some point. Unfortunately for Matt, it did, and it clearly reignited his decades-old, dormant grudge and awoke in him a wholly unquenchable thirst for vengeance.

As such, he revealed to the world his insatiable desire for revenge by throwing down the gauntlet, 21st Century style (using Twitter):

Who'd have thought we’d be alive in a time where Canada declared all-out war? Not me, not you, not Matthew Perry, that’s not who.

So will Matt retaliate? Will he don the gloves and face Trudeau in the ring?

No, is the answer:

The apocalypse has been averted, thanks to one of the most Canadian exchanges in military history. So who’s on top, here, then? Is it Perry because he’s still the reigning champion, or is it Trudeau because his opponent was too chicken to face him?

I think the real winner is Canada. Just keep doing you, Canada. Come here, let me ruffle your hair a bit, you silly old moose.


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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the screaming thing though. @garyblogden

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