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Food for the apocalypse


The end is upon us. According to both the Mayans, and the film 2012, the world is over on December 21st.

While we're clearly hoping they're all wrong, we thought it only best to prepare you for the end by giving you an idea of what you should be stocking up on, food-wise. If there are still computers once the world falls apart, you'll thank us.

(Main image: All Star)


Shelf life: 1 year

When most of the world has collapsed, it's important to treat yourself. This cheeseburger in a can will do nicely. It requires no refrigeration (which is good as your fridge died) and can be appetisingly cooked in hot water. Don't worry about condiments as it's all included: fried onions, ketchup and mustard. Splash out here.


Shelf life: 2 years

The "Tactical Sandwich" is designed to keep your mind off the fact that every Subway in the world has crashed and burned, along with most of their workforce. It comes in two flavours: Pepperoni and Honey BBQ Beef. Each sandwich only has 300 calories so will be great for your end of the world diet. Pick one up here.


Shelf life: 2 years

Maintaining a familiar routine, while you battle flames and cockroaches, is hugely important. Therefore, adding milk to your cereal and regular cups of tea is an absolute must. Unless you own a family of cattle with expert survival skills, fresh milk will be tough to source. It's therefore all about powder. You'll barely notice the difference (mainly because your mind will be too preoccupied with thoughts of death). Pick a box up here.

Ice Cream

Shelf life: 3 years

As the future is likely to be unbearably hot (as a punishment from God), cooling down will be a top priority. Why not live like an astronaut and sample some freeze-dried, ready-to-eat ice cream? Once the water is removed and the ice cream converted to a gas, it becomes an indispensable alternative to the late, great Ice Cream Man. You can pick some up here.


Shelf life: 10 years

There's nothing quite like the smell of bacon in the morning. It's much more preferable than the smell of the decaying corpses of your neighbours. This can of preserved "Tactical Bacon" is therefore a must-have purchase. You can almost pretend you're in your favourite cafe, waiting for that surly waitress to slam your greasy plate down. If you think denial is the best way to cope with the end, get your can here.


Shelf life: 10 years

Since exercise might be tough (your gym exploded and the local park is full of plane wrecks), it's important to stay healthy in other ways. So, while you stay inside your barricaded house, it's best to snack on tropical freeze-dried fruit. A process of moisture-reduction means the fruit retains the same texture but only 10% of the weight. Confused? Don't be! Get your guilt-free cans here.


Shelf life: 25 years

Ahh you remember that Indian takeaway place you used to treat yourself with every other Friday? Yeah well it's gone. But don't fear, there's a much tastier alternative. How about Chicken Tikka & Rice from the same can? Fingers crossed you like the first meal as there'll be 179 other portions waiting for you. Pick one up here.


Shelf life: indefinite

Ah cheese. If there's one food that can benefit from being kept in a can for decades at a time, it's got to be cheese. That smell, that texture, that dairy-ness...yes we can see a nice can of cheese becoming your salvation in the event of imminent extinction. Don't miss out and get your can here.



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