Supposedly, everyone loves a Nando’s, particularly if it’s ‘cheeky’, or something. Me? I could take or leave it - it’s the kind of place I will only go if everyone else suggests it. Once I’m there, I enjoy it - that peri-peri chip dust is tha fucking bomb - but I would never suggest it myself. Each to their own.
But maybe I might suggest it in the future, because the thought of a chicken burger with a garlic bread bun is making my tongue do weird things and I need some way to stop it. Eating one of them would stem the saliva flow, I rate.
All I have to do is access the Nando’s ‘secret menu’.
Now, when I say ‘menu’, it’s not an actual menu - “Can I look at the secret menu, please, barkeep”, no - it’s more of a (God I hate saying this word) ‘hack’. Essentially, it works as a sort of DIY dish-maker, and involves you ordering a combination of things that enable you to create new, exciting, unofficial dishes.
If, umm, you don’t want to eat that then the only possible reason is this: you are a vampire.
So yeah, if you want to switch up your Nando’s order, then get creative and you can bang out the following off-menu meals to impress your mates, and your taste-buds:
The Nando’s burrito
Just get yourself a normal wrap with a side of rice, and then bung all the rice inside. Hey presto - burrito.
You can ask for extra sliced cheese, did you know that? So simply order a couple more and let them melt into the mash. This equals: très good.
Cheesy garlic bread
Same again, basically. Bang a load of extra cheese slices all over your garlic bread and then eat it with your eyes closed whilst slamming your fist repeatedly on the table.
A Garlic bread burger
This is the best one obviously - just buy a burger, buy some garlic bread and switch the bun out. That’s genius, that. Get some extra cheese while you’re at it and slide that greasy ball of sin down your blasphemous gullet, you utter, utter heathen. You’re going to hell for this, where all the furniture is garlic, and the air is cheese.
I CANNOT WAIT TO GO TO HELL.