I have always regretted not being born a dinosaur. Humans are great and all, but to be a velociraptor - that’s where the fun is at.
Big old claw on your foot, nice sharp teeth, can open doors - it’s what dreams are made of. I can’t count the amount of hours I spent as a child, hunched over, on my tip-toes, creeping around like a raptor, putting my face up against windows and steaming them up with my nose. I wished I was a dinosaur, basically, and I still do.
AND NOW I CAN BE.
Because these official Jurassic World inflatable dino costumes will enable me to be a dinosaur for as long as I want. I can choose from a velocirapter, a triceratops or a pteranodon, but you better believe I’m going for the raptor - just look at that maniac, it’s the greatest thing ever. The triceratops is good apart from the weird arms coming out the back and the pteranodon looks a bit ‘kids’ party’ for my liking, so I’m going with the scary raptor, any day.
If you’re looking to get one (which you are, aren’t you, why would you not be), then the one I’m getting will set you back $69.99, as will the tiny-winged non-flying party-clown, but the scary three-horned back-arm monster bumps things up with a tag of $115.99. The best one isn’t even the most expensive, how good is this?
Anyway, I’ve ordered one, and I shall not move from my living room window until I see the postman. Then I shall put it on and chase the postman away.
From now on I shall be known as: Raptor-Man. My special powers are running, growling, and accidentally getting my suit caught on a door handle, ripping a big hole in it and rapidly deflating to reveal my curiously naked body within. Watch out crime!
(Images: Entertainment Earth/Getty)