Brexit: the dull, dull nightmare that never ends.
Whatever your stance on it - remainer or leaver, inner or outer - I think we can all agree that it has led to some truly tedious discussions on trade rules and tariffs that really we would have been quite happy to have gone our whole lives not knowing about. Remember the good old days when all you needed to think about was the latest Tory sex scandal and how much the price of a pint was going up in the budget? Halcyon days my friend.
And another thing that most people, on either side of the table, will agree on, is that our ‘negotiations’ have descended into quite the mess. We just about got through ‘Phase 1’, by essentially fudging every single aspect of it and currently, with the EU’s unchangeable, well-defined, clearly described ground rule of ‘no cherry picking’ in place ever since the vote, it seems our current tactic is to, er, ask to cherry pick all the good stuff about the EU. You know, the organisation we’ve just given the big two fingers to despite the fact we had possibly the most advantageous relationship with it of anyone bar Germany, with a host of bespoke measures given to us over the years.
Unsurprisingly, the EU is giving their own, similar, physical retort every time we try it.
But look at the above, I’ve just spent several hundred words describing what’s going on, when I really didn’t have to, since the greatest, most succinct description of Brexit has come from an unlikely source: the prime minister of Luxembourg, Mr Xavier Bettel.
Matthew Holehouse, a Brexit analyst, tweeted this:
Isn’t it just perfect?
“They were in with a load of opt-outs. Now they are out, and want a load of opt-ins.”
Which, of course, is absolutely true. And which, of course, begs the question: so what is the bloody point of doing it?
ITV’s Robert Peston was suitably impressed, tweeting that it was “impossible to better”.
Others decided to bring up the other, many metaphors for the Brexit shambles that have been created since the vote.
“The undefined negotiated by the unprepared to get the unspecified for the uninformed.”
“The expensive, divisive and time-consuming process by which a country deliberately places itself in a worse trading relationship than it begins with.”
Please, everyone, just make it stop.
AND BRING BACK THE SEX SCANDALS. Someone get David Mellor on the phone, pronto.