It’s the World Cup, everyone, it’s like a normal cup, but for the world. And regardless of how long we stay in it (my guess: less that seven milliseconds), you’re still gonna be wanting to look good while watching it. Standing there, in the pub, with your pint, looking an absolute bossman in all your new clothes.
So simply take your pick from the juicy selection of football-inspired pieces below, and absolutely own that leaning against the bar peacock-stance you’ve been practicing so hard in your bedroom. Good luck:
Red retro England away football shirt by BURTON (£17.50)
A nice red sweater, here, but with an England badge on it. Simple staple, but with an England badge on it. Lovely, comfy, smart red top, well-fitting, hangs nice, got an England badge on it. And a big six on the back, too. Badge on the front, number on the back - just like real football.
Good thing about this though, is that it won’t immediately go out-of-date like an official shirt does, so you can wear it at the next World Cup, too. For the first match, anyway.
Ruby red unisex shorts by ACNE STUDIOS (£170)
Wear these in the pub and convince everyone of your active lifestyle by making them think you’ve come straight from a kickabout. You haven’t, of course, but it’s the illusion that counts, isn’t it? Why else do we wear clothes? It’s all about lying.
Ceefax football scarf by OWN FANCLUB (£35)
There will be some readers of a certain age that will have zero clue as to the inspiration behind this scarf, but that doesn’t make it any less cool. 8-bit is back, and rife, so wrap this number round your neck and wink and nod at all the dads - they know.
Print red and white bomber jacket by CHRISTOPHER RAEBURN X UMBRO (£195)
Lairy, lairy, quite contrary
This jacket is quite loud
With football shirts cut up in parts
You’ll stand out from the crowd
Nemeziz tango 18.1 trainers by ADIDAS (£109.95)
Laces are so two-thousand-and-late, buster - slip these sleek sneaks on and they’ll do you wonders both in the pub and in the park, if you’re not that worried about scuffing them on that dirty ball of yours. Or getting beer spilled on them. Think it’s just about time that we all admitted that buying nice trainers is a losing battle - a really enjoyable battle, but a losing one all the same. Thank God for Crep Protect, at least.
Long sleeve polo with etoiles print by ASOS DESIGN (£20)
Don’t look at this shirt for too long because things start to get a bit wavy and you might soon find yourself on the floor looking up at a circle of concerned co-workers waving smelling salts under your nose.
House pattern soccer shirt by CREATIVE RECREATION (£30)
Pared it back a bit with this one - simple design, pastel colour, smart collar and cuff detailing. Just a nice football shirt, really, ain’t it? The good thing about the “fashion” footy tops is that you’ve got the chance to make a bit more of a statement - you won’t be wearing the same team shirt as everyone else, basically.
And also, if your team loses you can just lie and say you were supporting the other one. You can’t be a glory hunter if you’re stuck in an England shirt, can ya? Best get perfecting some new accents though.
Blue CCP sweatshirt by YMC X MUNDIAL (£125)
Lovely slice of Soviet business with these proper comfy pieces from our mates over at Mundial and YMC. The motif runs through the whole range, but this baby blue sweater is one of the stand-out pieces - get it on you, this instant.
Long sleeve football shirt by NIKE X KIM JONES (£240)
Like, if you’re going to pop a vein to the tune of £240 on this sleek shirt, then it’s probably best you don’t actually play any football with it on - can’t quite deal with the thought of even a single thread on this getting frayed. Best not to entertain it.
Just look at it, up there, looking all unmarked and smooth - just keep it that way. NEVER WEAR IT.
White printed jersey t shirt by VERSACE (£480)
Think we’ll just carry on down the same path with this one too. Turn up to your Sunday League game wearing this and you’re just begging for someone to slide in and tug the shape out of the back of it within the first ten minutes.