The need for a "proper" job. More aggressive hangovers. The slow march of the receding hairline.
By our reckoning (we did a quick show of hands round the office) each of these pitfalls can be expected in a man's 25th year - the grand old age that Reebok's Ventilator trainer has now reached. Except, what with being a shoe, it won't have to contend with any of them.
Packed with new airflow technology and sporting credentials, the Ventilator began turning heads and cushioning ankles back in 1990 - standing the test of time thanks to its versatile build and a string of excellent collaborations and specials.
As Hanon reveals its new RTB model as stylish nod to the shoes 25th Anniversary, we've rounded up five of the finest Ventilators money can buy.
HANON X REEBOK VENTILATOR ‘RTB’
Drawing on Hanon's Scottish roots, the RTB finds its inspiration in a story concerning Robert the Bruce and a spider (which you can read here). Executed in rich mossy green pig suede, they're a cut above the average sneaker release.
Reebok Ventilator Supreme
The slim-line sequel to the Ventilator proper, the Supreme reduced the weight of the original shoe in search of enhancing its sporting credentials. Reworked in two 90's-tastic colourways, if blue doesn't sway you the reds certainly will.
Reebok Ventilator Vintage
If you haven't got the eBay skills to hunt down a pair of original 90s Ventilators, this is the next best thing. Funked up with a marble-pattern, Hexalite technology (which is still comfortable some 25 years on), this is the return of a trainer icon.
Reebok Ventilator 'Re-Upholstered'
An exclusive with Size?, the 'Re-Upholstered' model sees a high grain leather upper stretched and stitched into shape, replacing the usual mesh and nylon of the 1990s model. Micro perforations cover the toe box and side walls, breaking up the texture and adding the namesake air flow.
Reebok Ventilator x Extra Butter "Street Meat"
Inspired by Halal street vendors, the Extra Butter "Street Meat" iteration of the Ventilator dresses the shoe in a set of tones lifted from "diced chicken and cooked lamb". Unorthodox, but enough to get us salivating.