Picture the scene: you've just stubbed your toe and it's the same damn toe you stubbed last week. There's no one to blame but that stupid, smug table leg. But you're sick of shouting random swears at the thing. It's clearly not making a difference to its attitude.
Fear not. Cinema is here to help. Again.
As well as teaching us how to inspire others (preferably disadvantaged schoolkids), films also give us a wide variety of inventive insults to utilise in extremely necessary situations. We've assembled 30 of the best below.
Let us know if we've missed off your favourite at the bottom.
(Images: All Star, YouTube)
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
"If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the John and watch you take a leak"
Gangs Of New York
“I don’t give a tuppeny fuck about your moral conundrum, you meat-headed shit sack.”
“You’re an emotional f*cking cripple. Your soul is dogsh*t. Every single f*cking thing about you is ugly.”
Swimming With Sharks
“You are nothing! If you were in my toilet I wouldn't bother flushing it. My bathmat means more to me than you.”
The Witches Of Eastwick
"You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humour and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick."
The Princess Bride
"I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon."
"You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity."
The Breakfast Club
"Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"
Full Metal Jacket
“It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!”
"You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Pissholes in the snow."
"It was nothing like that, penis-breath!”
A Fish Called Wanda
"You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole."
The Wizard Of Oz
"You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!"
9 to 5
"You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot"
Monty Python And The Holy Grail
"I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
"If I have to hear "Yamo Be There" one more time, I'm going to "Yamo" burn this place to the ground."
There Will Be Blood
"You're just the afterbirth, Eli, slithered out on your mother's filth. They should have put you in glass jar on a mantelpiece. "
"Even if I were blind, desperate, starved and begging for it on a desert island, you'd be the last thing I'd ever f*ck."
"You dirt-eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat!"
"You're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty. But, in your case, I'll make an exception."
The War Of The Roses
"When I watch you eat. When I see you asleep. When I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in."
"I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home"
"Yeah I'll tell you what you can do with your eye-teeth and your job, you can take the mail and the frankin machine and all that other rubbish I have to go about with and you can stuff them right up your arse!"
"Ray, you are about the worst tourist in the whole world."
"You look like an old mop."
The Big Lebowski
"I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?"
"What, you think you like me? You ain't like me motherfucker, you a punk. I've been with made people, connected people. Who've you been with? Chain snatching, jive-ass, maricon motherfuckers. Why don't you get out of here and go snatch a purse."
"Eat it till you choke, you sick, twisted f*ck!"
The Silence Of The Lambs
“You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition has given you some length of bone, but you’re not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling?
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory
"You’re a crook! You’re a cheat and a swindler! How could you do a thing like this, raise up a little boy’s hopes and then dash all his dreams to pieces? You’re an inhuman monster!"