TV

Amazon take the piss out of Jeremy Clarkson with brilliant fake job ad

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Gary Ogden
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I don’t watch The Grand Tour, and I actually have an Amazon Prime subscription (why would I watch that when I could watch Preacher?), but supposedly, a lot of people do. And I would hazard a guess that all the people that do, are people that like Jeremy Clarkson. Each to their peculiar own, I guess.

But old Jezza’s off sick at the moment with pneumonia, so there’s been a delay in pointing a camera at him while he drives things and growls. Thankfully though, Amazon are way ahead of the game, and they’ve thought of a quick solution to the problem: hire someone else in the interim.

And to hire someone, you need to put out a job ad – so here’s theirs:

In case you’re a cyborg that can’t read jpegs, here’s the text in full:

The successful applicant will join a long-established team of variously sized co-hosts and possess a strong knowledge of cars, metaphors and progressive rock music," the job ad says.

This host will have a proven track record in effectively dealing with colleagues that they find annoying and being lost in unknown locations. They must be entertaining, engaging and willing to pause before delivering the final word or words of some sentences.

Please note: Preference will be given to especially tall candidates with curly hair.

RESPONSIBILITES

- This role will work closely with the existing hosts, with duties including (but not limited to) accidentally setting things on fire, handling heavy machinery (badly) and being able to bloody-mindedly argue a point that no one will ever agree.

- Driving the world's fastest and most exciting cars while talking to camera. Ability to do this without crashing would be considered an advantage, but not essential (apparently).

BASIC QUALIFICATIONS

- Valid driver's licence

- British English including advanced qualification in exaggeration and braggadocio

- At least 6.5+ million followers on Twitter or similar social media network

PREFERRED QUALIFICATIONS 

- The successful applicant will be required to wear vast amounts of pre-washed denim (attire provided in sizes that are slightly too small)

***

Yes, well done Amazon, you have done a good joke there. Funny for both people that like Clarkson, and people that don’t – a tough high-wire to balance upon. 

But the thing is, you can actually apply. Actually, I might send a link to Chris Evans – reckon he’d do a good job.

He bossed Captain America, after all.

**CHRIS EVANS JOKE ALARM**

<<EVACUATE THE BUILDING>>

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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