The world's most miserable football player profile is absolutely brilliant
- Posted by
- Dave Fawbert
- Published
Some footballers are outgoing, hilarious, vivacious raconteurs. Others… aren’t
Being a professional footballer must be amazing.
The money, the glory, the adulation, the not-having-anything-to-do-with-your-afternoons-so-you-can-just-play-FIFA-all-day. You must wake up every single day full of the joys of spring, praising your particular god for bestowing the talents upon you which you are putting to such glorious use.
But it seems that Derek Hales didn’t feel that way.
Despite being a Charlton Athletic legend during two spells at the club - becoming their all-time record goalscorer in the process - and sustaining a 16-year footballing career which also took him to Luton Town, Derby County, West Ham and Gillingham, it seems that he was thoroughly fed up with his lot on this planet.
Twitter user Charlie Connelly posted up this incredible matchday programme interview with him, conducted in 1979, when he was ‘enjoying’ his second spell with Charlton, during which he makes clear his disdain for basically everything.
Derek Hales with possibly the most miserable player profile in football history, in a #cafc programme from 1979. Still my all-time favourite player, mind. pic.twitter.com/4kd8UgYWNC
— Charlie Connelly (@charlieconnelly) April 24, 2018
Just take a look at this absolute barrel of laughs:
Absolutely incredible.
Naturally, people loved it.
This is up there with big Keith’s appraisal on The Office
— Paul Finn (@paulfinn84) April 25, 2018
One wonders what he would have put for thrill if his son hadn’t been born.
— Thunderstorm Bun (@thunderstormbun) April 24, 2018
Looked him up on Wiki - there's almost nothing there, yet even more obscure players have pages of stuff. Is he due a biography, I wonder...? @ScapegoatCC?
— Anthony McGowan (@anthony_mcgowan) April 24, 2018
It would have to be called 'Don't Think The Game Is All Honey'.
— Charlie Connelly (@charlieconnelly) April 24, 2018
Used to like Hales. Now I love him.
— Anthony McGowan (@anthony_mcgowan) April 24, 2018
While someone gave us an update on his post-football career.
He taught P.E. In my school after retirement, he was hard work
— Shaun (@Shaun5855) April 25, 2018
Honestly, we’re shocked.
However, the above profile was not the only example of Hales’ rather grumpy demeanour; he famously had an on-pitch fight with a teammate back in January 1979.
The incident happened during an FA Cup tie at the The Valley against Maidstone and centred on Derek ‘Killer’ Hales’s testicles (or, rather, testicle).
After Hales failed to pass to teammate Mike Flanagan, his strike partner apparently called him a ‘one-bollocked bastard’ leading to a fight breaking out. They were both sent off. We can only imagine the scenes in the dressing room afterwards.
God bless you Derek, stay miserable forever.
(Image: Getty)