Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Morrissey Has Written About Sex And It's The Worst Thing Ever

morrissey1.jpg

Before we go on, let's get one thing clear.

We love the Mozzfather. As a lyricist, frontman, singer - untouchable, both as a member of The Smiths and on much of his solo work. But, Mozz, come on mate, what on earth is going on here?

The singer is preparing to release his debut novel, List of the Lost, about, of course, a sports relay team consumed by demons, and it's received one of the most scathing reviews of all-time in The Guardian, with critic Michael Hann castigating its apparent lack of editing, its poorly-written dialogue, his obsession with settling old scores - even in a fiction world.

But - the coup de gras - nothing quite prepared us for Morrissey's attempt at writing a sex scene. Steady yourselves.

“Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscles of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”

"Bulbous salutation".

We've never heard it called that before. Maybe he's just too original for us? And it's one continuous, toe-curling sentence?!

Best stick to the day job Mozzer.

List Of The Lost is out now

(Image: Rex)

Related

morrissey1.jpg

Morrissey Reveals Cover & Release Date for His Debut Novel

Mozza2.jpg

QUIZ: Who or what is Morrissey insulting?

615x330_SmithsHERO.jpg

The Ultimate Smiths Quiz

Smiths_-_Strangeways_here_we_come.jpg

25 Things You (Probably) Didn't Know About Strangeways, Here We Come

hero1.jpg

20 Things You (Probably) Didn't Know About Meat Is Murder

morrisseyhero.jpg

The Lyrical Themes of Morrissey Poster

Comments

More

These bored book store employees deserve all the Instagram followers

Bookface goes French at Librairie Mollat

by Dave Fawbert
21 Mar 2017

Philip Pullman has just saved us all from Real Life

Here's what we know about 'Book of Dust'

15 Feb 2017

Orwell’s 1984 book sales spike after Trump’s inauguration

We've gone full blown Orwellian now

by Jamie Carson
25 Jan 2017

Mark Twain's unfinished children's story to be released this year

Find out when The Purloining of Prince Oleomargarine will hit the shelves

24 Jan 2017

These are the books Barack Obama says everyone should read this year

Be like Barack

by Sam Diss
17 Jan 2017

The best new books of 2017

New year, new reads

by Sam Diss
04 Jan 2017

Donald Ray Pollock: Inside the mind of a nightmare specialist

Modern master of disturbing prose on the moments from page & screen that made him who he is

05 Oct 2016

Harry Potter fans can now discover their Patronus

Don't lie, you want to give it a go, don't you?

by David Cornish
23 Sep 2016

20 Things You (Probably) Didn't Know About Stephen King

21 Sep 2016

Your chance to see excellent US author Donald Ray Pollock

And also have a beer! Win win

08 Sep 2016