Nothing can just be funny any more, can it? Everything somehow always turns out bad.
When we first saw Sutton United ‘keeper Wayne Shaw chowing down on a pie in the dugout during his side’s big FA Cup tie last night, we thought it was fucking brilliant. A football player eating a pie! During the match! Love it!
Then it turned out the whole thing was just a publicity stunt by The Sun’s betting operation, Sun Bets, who had been offering 8/1 on Shaw to do exactly that.
THEN we found out that Shaw might be in breach of FA betting regulations, because he knew about the stunt before the match, and by that point the whole thing was well and truly ruined. Football was shit and pies were overrated anyway.
But the whole massive fuck-up wasn’t over yet, because now Wayne Shaw has been asked to resign by the club, and he reportedly accepted while crying down the phone.
So yeah, that’s the price we’ve all got to pay for enjoying something. Shaw’s now out of a job, and Piers Morgan has something new to tweet about.
However, it seems that at least the 46-year-old goalie might not be unemployed for too long. I mean, obviously he’s going to end up on I’m a Celebrity or Celebrity Big Brother at some point, but we’re not talking about that – supermarket chain Morrisons have approached him about a job.
A job as an official pie-taster, which is apparently a thing?
Tessa Callaghan, Morrisons’ chief pie buyer (again, that’s a thing? Where are these jobs advertised?) told The Independent: “We’re always looking for the best talent to taste our pies and make sure they hit the back of the net.
“Wayne’s performance last night sets him apart as one of the country’s most famous pie connoisseurs.
“We were really impressed by his commitment to pie eating, and we understand that a good pie is the best way to warm up for any occasion, even if it is the biggest night of your football career."
There’s no way this is the end of this story, is there? We’re going to see this bloke in the news, on adverts and stuff incessantly for like the next month, until he disappears again, living on only as a little-known pub quiz answer.