List of things I did not expect to be writing about this morning: #1. Rock titans The Darkness releasing a song about Southern Rail.
But - and I’m just checking my screen again - yes, that’s exactly what’s happening right now.
Clearly, the band have finally reached the breaking point that commuters on the legendarily-appalling rail franchise have felt for many years - with constant delays, cancellations and general shocking mismanagement - and have committed their frustration to tape in the form of ‘Southern Trains’, taken from their forthcoming fifth album Pinewood Smile, which is due for release on 6 October.
What’s most exciting though, is that this is an absolute riproaring snorter of a track, walking that classic Darkness fine line between being really funny and actually really good at the same time. The video clearly cost about £50 (if that) to make, featuring images of Southern Rail hell and, for some reason, a load of Snapchat filters.
Wrap your ears around this beauty:
The lyrics don’t hold back (this is my best guess at them anyway):
Air con set to sub-Arctic
If it moves, it isn’t quick
Major delays, cancellations, tedious conversations
Trying to eat your dinner with an ass in your face, it’s a disgrace
It’s a journey into pure despair
There are fucking assholes everywhere
I can smell piss and shit in the air
Fuck you, Southern trains, we’re not getting anywhere
Journey into pure despair
I just wanna get somewhere
Throw away the itinerary and hold my place
In one place, stationary
On your marks, get set, start this
Southern trains, atone
It’s a journey into pure despair
There are fucking assholes everywhere
I can smell piss and shit in the air
Fuck you, Southern trains, we’re not getting anywhere
Them Southern trains
Choo-choo, boo-hoo, yeah
Heaving carriages of indignation,
Grown men weeping at pure frustration,
Totally packed and always late and [indesipherable]
It’s a journey into pure despair
There are fucking assholes everywhere
I can smell piss and shit in the air
Fuck you, Southern trains, we’re not getting anywhere
Well, next time you’re stuck on a train with another hour delay, stick this on the stereo about 20 times and it might make you feel a bit better.
(Image: Rex)
