Buy yourself some life insurance. The good kind, that covers you internationally and nudges you to the top of the organ transplant lists. Then book yourself a ticket to Philadelphia, and skip lunch. You're going to want to be hungry for the trip.
The cause of this last minute exertion? This glistening beacon of grease and cheese: the Doh! Nut burger.
The creation of Philadelphia-based PYT Burger, this heart-stopping monster is an homage to Homer Simpson (a Homerage?), consisting of: "Beef patty, american cheese & chocolate-covered bacon on a glazed donut bun. For real." The beef patty and cheese are injected like jam into a savoury donut, which is then glazed with the mix of bacon and chocolate.
At $13 (approx. £8), this is a quick, affordable route to diabetes and heart conditions.
We'll see you on the plane.