The Rock is a big old man, and that’s a fact. He’s a large boy, and make no mistake. He’s a giant male, no bones about it. He was also a hefty specimen when he was 16.
Look, here’s proof:
That picture of a man, there, is a picture of a boy. The Legend Of Dwayne: The Boy That Was A Man. Your friendly neighborhood Boy-Man.
But there’s more to this story than just the Fantastic Ban/Stupendous Moy. Because:
Yeah, that’s right, you heard, everyone thought that 16-year-old Dwayne “The Boy” Johnson was an adult male pretending to be an adolescent boy. To that, I say, if you’re going to send a man to pretend to be a boy, do not send the one who looks like the biggest, oldest man you’ve ever seen. Pick the man that looks like a boy, not the man that looks like a man.
Of course, this wasn’t actually what was happening, because Dwayne was literally a boy, he just looked like a man. All very complicated once you start thinking about it, so it’s best not to.
Anyway, I’ve gotta go and “buy” some drugs off the guys in accounts. I’m taking those junkies down. Glad I look so much like a child – this sixth-form work experience kid schtick is going down a treat.
Books, Brits, and Blues: Bill Nighy, Harlan Coben & Alexandra Roach share the stories behind their new haunted thriller, Lazarus
The best 30s movies: 20 of the greatest films of the 1930s
