Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have set a date for next year’s Royal Wedding, and well, we’re sorry to report that they’ve fucked it.
Harry and Meghan have chosen Saturday 19 May for their nuptials, which sounds fine. Not too hold, not too cold, hopefully won’t rain, good time of year for a wedding, no?
Well, yes, except for the fact that they’ve chosen the exact same day as the FA Cup final.
This is going to throw up an awkward conflict for Prince William, who usually attends the cup final in his role as FA President. He’s going to have to make a tough choice, does he go to Wembley to watch ‘plucky underdogs’ Watford get tonked 6-1 by Manchester City, or does he attend his brother’s wedding?
(Obviously he’s going to Harry’s wedding. We know he’s going to Harry’s wedding. Personally I’d go to the cup final, but William is definitely going to Harry’s wedding. Imagine if he didn’t though. Imagine if Prince actual William binned off the Royal Wedding to go down the footy. This would be Good Shit.)
I can only think of one reason why Harry has picked cup final day - Harry’s an Arsenal fan, and therefore knows there is absolutely no chance of his side being represented in the game.
As such, he’s decided to be selfish and remove all the usual pomp and fanfare from the day by doing this rubbish ‘marriage’ instead. Pathetic if you ask me. Grow up, Harry.
Oh, and don’t give me any of the “Ooh, but Arsenal won it last year! Of course they could be in the final! You clearly know nothing about football! I hope you die! I’m going to kill your family!” bullshit. Save that for people named @SanchezsRightBoot on Twitter. I don’t care. Arsenal are not going to be in the FA Cup final this year. I will bet all of my Yu-Gi-Oh! cards on it. And I’ve got a Blue-Eyes White Dragon. That’s how confident I am.
Anyway, we can also feel confident that the Royal Wedding will give the cup final its lowest viewing figures in years, although if they manage to put them back-to-back it could be one of the booziest Saturdays in British history. Maybe this isn’t such a bad idea after all.