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'Shocking' Kinder Surprise toy raises more questions than it answers

Where do you even begin with this?

'Shocking' Kinder Surprise toy raises more questions than it answers
Tom Victor
24 April 2017

There are plenty of phrases we never expected to have to write. ‘A nurse has launched a four-letter tirade at Kinder Surprise’s creators over a toy bird with its plastic hands near its crotch’ is one of them.

Ferrero, who make the chocolate eggs in question, have been urged to take a long, hard look at themselves by ‘Rachael’, a registered nurse who discovered the toy in question and lost her shit.

“It is a green man TOUCHING HIS GENITALS,” Rachael notes (her caps) in a Facebook post shared with Australian parenting site Kidspot.

“Children are exposed to this disgusting act – what has the world come to?” she asks, while definitely and absolutely not getting mad online.

““A toy grasping its genitals is simply not appropriate. Why not a toy with its arms in the air as it sings?”

Now, we have a few questions about the whole scenario.

  1. How does she know the ‘green man’ even has genitals beneath that hand? Based on the head-torso-feet combo it doesn’t seem to be anatomically correct.
  2. Kidspot describe the creature as a bird, rather than a ‘green man’. But where are its wings? Has it survived a traumatic incident that we’re not aware of? Should we be cutting the bird some slack?
  3. Kinder told Kidspot that: 'Each toy is subjected to a long process involving designers, technicians, doctors, psychologists, legal experts and commercial managers, with the aim to offer children a great toy that is safe from every point of view.’ Is this a sly dig at psychologists, claiming they’re not ‘real’ doctors?
  4. Rachael suggests a toy with its arms in their air would be more appropriate. Did she think about how difficult it would be to fit that inside a chocolate egg which already isn’t exactly the most spacious thing around?
  5. How fucking big is that microphone? Seriously, it’s like half as big as the bird’s head. Can you even begin to imagine the amount of noise that would cause?
  6. It’s called Kinder Surprise. Surely it would be weirder if you got something you did expect.
  7. Aren’t there more important things to get concerned about than a Kinder Surprise toy?

Answers on a postcard.

(Images: Twitter)