It’s so damn HOT.
All over Britain, people are lying awake all night, too hot to sleep, so warm that basic human functions don’t work anymore. This isn’t what we’re used to in this country, walking around dripping in sweat, constantly unsticking ourselves from ourselves, armpit stains all over the place, voluntarily cold showers, avoiding all physical contact with other humans because it’s become disgusting. We’re not built for this.
You might be making it worse for yourself, though, if your nighttimes are accompanied by the whirling blades of a fan.
No, you think. The fan cools the room down. It is a friend, a nocturnal guard, every revolution of its three handsome arms bringing the sweet embrace of sleep that much closer. How could this spinning amigo possibly be making things worse?
Well, germs and aerial grossness for starters.
Think about all the dust and pollen and room ephemera being kicked up by it – particles that would have lain where they were are now being whipped up, circulating around the room, disappearing up your nostrils and into your oh-so-hungry sinuses to exacerbate any allergies, hay fever, asthma and the like.
There’s also the risk of drying out your skin, which sucks, or depending on how you sleep, drying out your eyes or the inside of your mouth, both of which can be just irritating enough to wake you up. Especially if you already suffer from hay-fever (which is already made worse by all the pollen being blown into your orifices.)
If you are waking up at the moment feeling like you’re a hundred years old, ol’ Windmill Face could be responsible for that as well.
The reason is because cold air blowing onto your neck can cause you to tense your muscles unconsciously, meaning you wake up all stiff and tired.
If you don’t have allergies or stiffness, and are sleeping through the night, then go for it. Alternatively, if you’re waking up but are absolutely certain it’s due to the heat, you can make your fan more effective by freezing some bottles of water and leaving them in front of it – a fan circulates air, so giving it colder air to circulate will obviously help you out.
Interestingly, in a completely sealed room (which, to be fair, you probably aren’t in unless you sleep in a coffin, in which case you probably really hate summer, you big bloody Goth) the electric motor of the fan will actually make the place hotter.
HILARIOUS CLOSING JOKE: Why did the rotating room-cooling device have a Megadeth shirt on? Because it was a big metal fan.