1. Sexy Socks
Stance Hattie Eyes (£14.99)
Stance, the bloody-kneed extreme dude’s toe-coater of choice, has got the modern art of collaboration locked down. Always ones to lean on epic artists and illustrators, the cool Californian brand is currently stocking stockings made with the likes of the uber-gnarly Neckface and the eye-meltingly mad Kevin Lyons. But this, right here, is a pair to feel proud of. Watch a patriotic tear tumble down your art department compadre Guy Who Always Asks To Borrow A Pen’s cheek when he sees how the iconic eyes of London’s coolest doodlebomber, Hattie Stewart, have been immortalised in sock form.
2. Trainer Saver
SneakersER Cleaner Duo Kit (£17)
You: incredible office sleuth. Also you: no office snitch. Precisely why your case file on Kid With The Yeezys From The Third Floor, which contains watertight proof that 98% of his sick days are taken during any form of trainer-ruining weather, won’t be hitting Carol from HR’s desk anytime soon. Nope, you’re taking matters into your own hands, with the gift of sparkling sneaks, courtesy of this clean-‘em-all kit from SneakersER. Case closed, Captain!
3. Tribute Tome
René Lacoste (£25)
Though you’ve only got “Asked me if I’d seen the Wimbledon match at the watercooler once” to go on, that doesn’t make this is a bad, stab-in-the-dark Secret Santa present. Far from it. Not only will it add 10 cool credits to any coffee table, but the book, released to mark 85 years of René “The Alligator” Lacoste’s legendary sportswear brand, is filled with historic and never-before-seen photographs, sketches and documents to absolutely pore over. HR Chap With The Unironic Soul Patch will appreciate it! Promise!
4. Body Wash 3000
Escentric Molecules 02 (£20)
Yep, sure, giving the gift of scent feels like a real recipe for a tantrum. “No, these are happy sobs!” Guy Who Sits On Reception After 5pm will say, before muttering something under his breath that sounds like a satanic hex on your entire bloodline. But smelly presents get risk-free when you’re not only giving the gift of fragrance, but the future, too. Escentric has made a name for itself by exploring fragrance on a super micro scientific level. With this one, it’s explored ambroxan – a key molecule in ambergris - and created a rich-smelling winner.
5. Old-Skool Scarf
Urban Outfitters Prince Of Wales Checked (£16)
Now this most certainly *is* a stab-in-the-dark option. A real alanpartridgeshrugs.gif of a gift. No hiding it, Jack! But if, as is highly likely, you’re panicking wildly because OH MY GOD THE PRESENT GIVING IS AFTER LUNCH TODAY DEAR CHRIST IT’S TODAY then needs must, baby. Whip on out to Urban Outfitters, whack out 16 of your finest coconuts, and give the gift of generic yet stylish neckular warmth to *checks scrap of paper found in coat pocket* Loaf Of Bread Pint Of Milk Tea Bags Avocados. Phew!