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The most unpopular baby names of 2017 have been revealed

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Gary Ogden
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These are 2017's most unpopular baby names, is yours on the list?

Oh hey Roger, how’s it going? All good with your name there, are you? Think it’s a cool, hip moniker, do ya?

Well, you’re wrong, because it has hit the list of the top ten most unpopular male baby names according to babycentre.co.uk. Nobody is calling their child Roger anymore.* Sorry.

However, my name is Gary, and that is also a name that is dying out, and I’m happy about it. You know that Jet Li film, The One? The one about a bloke who travels between different dimensions, killing all his doppelgangers so that he may become the most powerful being in the universe? Well that’s how I feel about my name dying out. I will be the most powerful Gary, and the entire world shall crumble beneath my feet. And you, Roger, can join me by my side.

As well as you, Bertram, and even you, Clive. The Archaic Name Squad, bringing the world to its knees.

And the rest of the team joining us? Well, here’s the top ten in full:

  • Ian (Iain)
  • Frank
  • Clarence
  • Ricky
  • Edmund
  • Gus
  • Roger
  • Bertram
  • Clive
  • Roald

The names on this list haven’t had a single registration on the site so far in 2017, so you’ve got a small chance if you still want a little baby Clive. Time is running out though - I’d get having sex as soon as you can really, have two or three if possible, then you can call one Gus and the other Edmund. Three cute triplets, Clive, Gus and Edmund, being cool dudes called things that nobody else is called, just kickin’ it.

Frank Skinner

Frank Skinner: not happy about the lack of baby Franks out there

With regards to female names, here’s the top 14 list of rejects:

  • Cilla
  • Bertha
  • Cynthia
  • Janice
  • Anita
  • Marcia
  • Mildred
  • Dorothy
  • Edna
  • Bonnie
  • Cindy (Sindy)
  • Donna
  • Gail
  • Karen

If, on the other hand, you want to create a child that will not eventually conquer the planet, then you can join the legions of babies being born with the most popular names, which include Noah, Jack, Harry and Charlie. Here look:

But I feel like a well-placed Clarence will do the job. Silly baby Clarence - what evil wonders shall manifest under his future fist?

*It is unconfirmed if this has something to do with it being another name for ‘sex’

(Images: Rex)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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