Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple & Bunk Moreland (The Wire)
“They’re from totally different worlds, but she’s experienced enough in dealing with detectives to put his swearing, smoking and drinking to one side. He’s smart enough to listen to her and realise she’s brilliant at solving serious crimes. You’d see her telling him off, and he’d probably hide his cigars.”
Chief Wiggum (The Simpsons) & Sarah Lund (The Killing)
“He’s a complete fool and she’s so serious. She’d probably end up shooting him – if he doesn’t accidentally shoot himself first. He’d be stumbling around crime scenes without a clue, picking up murder weapons. She’d shout at him for being an idiot and send him out for doughnuts to get him out of the way.”
Kurt Wallander (Wallander) & Inspector Clouseau (The Pink Panther)
“It’d never work because of the Clouseau factor. Wallander wouldn’t scream and shout, even at Clouseau’s incompetence. He’d just be very calm and keep giving him mundane jobs that he tells Clouseau are very important. He’d keep him out of the way so he couldn’t harm himself or the case.”
Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot & Thomas Magnum (Magnum, PI)
“Magnum is an honest, straightforward guy who just wants to get out there and get the job done. Poirot would drive him mad with his ego and elaborate ways. And Poirot wouldn’t listen to someone like Magnum, who’s all up-and-at-’em. They’d last half a day before Magnum jumps in his friend’s Ferrari and blasts off into the distance.”
Sherlock Holmes (BBC’s Sherlock) & Kojak
“You wouldn’t want to face them if you were a criminal. You’ve got all of Holmes’ special stuff, which only he can do, and really good everyday police work from a New York detective. Holmes wouldn’t see him as just another bungling cop. Kojak would be the one knocking heads together and kicking doors down, with Holmes in the background doing the clever stuff.”
Mike Lowrey (Bad Boys) & Columbo
“Lowrey wants to take the lead; he would be forever charging in on the slightest suspicion and blowing all of Columbo’s beautiful plans. Columbo would be constantly asking him why he needs all the guns and reminding him he’s never even pulled his out, let alone shot it.”
Luke Delaney’s book A Killing Mind is out on 17 May, priced £18.99 (HarperCollins)
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