The term 'fashion victim' isn't always metaphorical. History is littered with risky trends that have inflicted pain on the wearer, from the bone-crunching corsets of the Victorian age to wind-pipe-poppingly stiff collars worn by ye olde aristocracy.
But it may surprise you to learn that even modern fashions pose a real risk to our health and safety. And it might surprise you less to learn that it's mostly the rubbish ones that we all regret months later.
So please, never wear any of these again. It's only because we care...
Who would have thought that yanking your hair into an extremely tight ball could be damaging?
According to hair-brained scientists, long-term man-bunners can end up with a condition called traction ‘alopecia’ - where roots of the hair become inflamed after months of pulling and remove themselves entirely from the follicle.
And what does that mean for you? Bald patches. Loads and loads of possibly-irreversible bald patches. So ban the bun – for your own good.
Shoes without socks
A pair of socks might kill your breezy ankle vibe but they’re a must-have for anyone who gives a hoot about hygiene.
North Carolina podiatrist Jane E. Anderson believes that those who ditch socks risk fungus infections, warts and bouts of athlete’s foot.
And you won’t want to be showing any of that off in a hurry.
If you care about the future of your unborn children, you should rethink your favourite pair of nad-stranglers.
Skinny jeans reduce airflow around the crotch, resulting in higher temperatures around the crotch region. The effect of warmer balls? A lower sperm count.
A Fruit of the Loom survey of 1,000 men between 25 and 60 years-old found that 61 per cent of those who tucked their shirts in were happy with their job, compared to 49 per cent for non-tuckers. They also placed higher with income, social life and romantic happiness.
We’re not sure we totally enamored with this one, but you can’t argue with numbers - so when it comes to work garb, follow school rules.
Sure, fake tan is a safer alternative to sunbeds, but it’s not without its own risks.
DHA, an ingredient found in all fake tan kits across the world, is under constant scrutiny by healthcare professionals.
And a recent study on live animal cells revealed that high concentrations of the chemical could cause DNA damage, which could then lead to cancer. Nothing has been confirmed, but toxologist are still rallying fake tan companies to lower the amount they use in their ingredients.
But all of this ignores the real mystery, which is: why the hell are you fake baking? Get a grip man (and a cheap holiday to a sunny climate. That’ll do the trick).
Whether you’re a guy with a penchant for poop hammocks, or just like to let your denim hang easy on the butt, you could be inflicting some significant damage to your nether regions.
Dr. Alex Vidan, of the Vivian Famil Chiropractic office, believes that sagging bottoms can negatively alter one’s gate and affect the pelvis, as well as the lumbar, thoracic and cervical spines.
But that’s not all: according to a study conducted by the National American Medical Association, “men who wore saggy pants [jeans] were 70% more likely to prematurely ejaculate during intercourse.”
The lesson is clear: Keep them up, so that you can keep up too.
Sucking your belly in
It’s fine to suck in your tummy for the odd photo, or during those intense 30-second kitchen conversations with your office crush, but if you’re engulfing your gut 24/7 then you’re going to run into big problems.
By doing so, you’re restricting your diaphragm and transforming yourself into a ‘chest breather’. This causes tension in the body, which can lead to all manner of ailments, physical and mental.
So respect the belly and let it all hang loose - doctor's orders.
Look: we all want to be Don Draper. When Mad Men first hit our screens, we all simultaneously suited up, combed our hair for the first time in a decade and pledged lifelong allegiance to Jon Hamm’s wardrobe department.
But the fact is, we couldn’t pull off any of his period-based clobber. And of all of the fifties-fashion-faux pas that stemmed from the show, the fedora stands out as the dirt-worst.
According to this famous Reddit thread, girls are seriously put off by fedora-bonced boys, who are considered "creepy", "aggressive" and "lacking social skills".
Over 45% of men can’t grow full facial hair, so it’s only natural that beard transplants would grow in popularity over the past few years.
But the £4,000 procedure is wrought with risks. Strip harvesting, the surgical method by which tissue and skin is moved around the face, can result in disfigurement and scars. That’s not to mention the fact that hair can fall out within weeks, leaving a regretful dent on your face and bank balance.
One small study suggested that men who wear ties too tightly put themselves at risk of glaucoma, due to the risk of restricting blood flow to the brain
A study of workers in a South Korean journal came to the conclusions after men complained of restricted movement, muscle tension and back pain.
Tight knots equal muscle knots, so take it easy.