Season 7 of Game of Thrones is desperate to make you throw up.
It tried it last week with Sam’s ‘poop ‘n’ soup montage, which was gross, but funny gross. It didn’t quite put me off my Corn Flakes.
So this week, they decided to go harder, and in the process ruined pies for all of us, forever.
The episode’s most graphic scene saw Sam peeling Ser Jorah’s pussy, bloody greyscale scabs from his body as the exiled Mormont stifled screams on agony – it was tough to watch, but it was worth it, because only moments before, Jorah had seemed done for.
Archmaester Ebrose had told Jorah there was no way to cure him, but rather than ship him off to the Ruins of Valyria immediately, as they normally would with a greyscale patient, he would allow him one more day – essentially allowing Jorah to take his own life rather than be forced to live out his final days among the rabid Stone Men.
Realising his time was up, Ser Jorah penned a final letter to Daenerys, who had ordered him to find a cure back in Season 6. He wanted to say goodbye and explain that, despite his best efforts, he was beyond saving.
We weren’t able to catch much of what he wrote, but thankfully the Game of Thrones Twitter account has tweeted out a picture of the full scroll, so we are able to read what Jorah thought were his last words to his queen.
I wrote you, but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn
You must not've got 'em…
Kidding, kidding, here’s the real transcript:
I came to the Citadel in the last hope that the maesters could treat me, as you ordered. Even with all their arts, I am beyond any cure but the grave. I have had a longer life than I deserved, and I only wish I could’ve lived to see the world you’re going to build, standing by your side. I have loved you since the moment I met you.
That’s it. Not even a sign off – frankly, I thought it might be a little more emotional, but perhaps Jorah felt shame for not being able to fulfill Dany’s orders are cure himself.
Of course, as we know, Jorah did not end up topping himself after all, because Sam – who is acting quite the rule breaker during his time in the Citadel, snuck in to perform that disgusting procedure and hopefully save his life.
We still don;t know that it’ll work, but it just has to, doesn’t it? Surely they wouldn’t put us through that scene just for Jorah to die anyway?
The again, this is Game of Thrones...