There are three ways people tend to react to Royal Baby news, and it depends very much on what kind of person you are.
- You somehow get more excited that you do for news about a baby that is being born in your actual family, learn every minute detail of Kate’s pregnancy, and obsess over the tiny little outfits that are probably worth more than your house.
- You voice loudly your belief that the Royal family are in fact all reptiles, that the Queen should be hanged and that Britain should become a republic. You hate this tiny, unborn foetus with your life.
- You are so ambivalent towards the news that you feel the need to tell everyone just how ambivalent you are. What are the first two even called? Gerry and Chloe? Also what’s a Kardashian?
It is extremely safe to say that BBC News reporter Simon McCoy sits very much in this third camp - and he’s not afraid to make this very clear when he’s forced to read a Royal baby story live on the air.
While he was reading the news yesterday, he got a breaking report that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge would be expecting their third child in April next year.
McCoy couldn’t quite bring himself to get all that excited, though, and questioned the story’s news value in his classic dry style.
“We’ve just got this coming in from Kensington Palace,” McCoy reads. “Their Royal Highnesses the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a baby in April.
“Now, bearing in mind they announced that she was pregnant back in Septemember and it was thought she was around two or three months pregnant, I’m not sure how much news this really is, but anyway it’s April, so clear your diaries, get your time booked off - because that’s what I’m doing - and, anyway, that news just coming in from Kensington Palace…”
I mean, you can’t say Simon doesn’t have a point, can you? Anyone who knows simple maths could have worked out a month ago that the baby should be due around April.
But the highlight of the clip is definitely when he lets us all know that there is no chance he’ll be on duty when the big moment finally comes. He’ll be off on a sunny beach somewhere sipping margaritas and sticking his fingers very firmly in his ears.
Why’s he so keen to get away? Well, because when George was born back in June 2013, he had the job of standing outside the hospital reporting live, and he reported it in very much the same hilarious way.
“We’re going to be speculating about this royal birth with no facts to hand at the moment…”
“God help us if this ends up being a long labour.”
Simon, get that holiday booked right now. You bloody deserve it.