On top of all the long winded silliness, Batman outfits, and general slapstick tomfoolery, Fools writer John Sullivan was the master of cramming quick fire gags into his scripts. The man could squeeze an entire series worth of humour into just a handful of syllables. The killer lines were always delivered deadpan, and at the pace of Mickey Pearce legging it out of Wandsworth nick. Mange tout, mange tout.
"Trigger with a computer? Do me a favour, he's still struggling with light switches.”
"It's the toughest chicken I've ever known. It's asked me for a fight in the car park twice."
"I've got so many of his slates under here I could re-tile me bloody roof."
"You couldn't blame him the way them Germans was carrying on. Someone was gonna get hurt."
"If you had been in charge of The last supper it would have been a take away."
"I got a Persian rug with more food on it than a menu."
"We might go out, get to know each other a bit, you know. Might like each other then - who knows? - in time maybe she might do some ironing for me."
"Stone me Del, you've been engaged more times than a switchboard."
"You've always been the same, even at school. Nothing but books, learning, education - that's why you're no good at snooker."
"Always plays the black fella."
"I used to be a midfield dynamo, played like Paul Gascoigne. Boycie used to play like Bamber Gascoigne."
"I have never been so insulted in my life, do you know how much I've spent on that garden? You think I'm going to dig a hole in it?"
"I've got this horrible feeling that if there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I'll come back as me."
"Aren't there enough drug addicts about as it is, without recruiting them?"
"I see it as a combination of my business acumen and salesmanship, and your ability to drive a three-wheeled van. Badly."
"Of course he couldn't swim, he only had one bloody arm. He would have gone around in circles, wouldn't he?"
"He died a couple of years before I was born."
"I’m the only one in our family who ever went to sea. Well, my grandmother’s brother was safety officer on the Titanic, but we never talk about it."
"Thanks to your general wally-ness, I am now a twenty six year old man who has just come second in a skateboard race."
"I have heard rumours Mickey Mouse wears a Rodney Trotter wristwatch."
"She used to say, 'It's better to know you've lost than not to know you've won.' Dear old Mum... she used to say some bloody stupid things."
"No chance of this happening with Rodney, is there? World War Three! This plonker can't even get Channel Three!"
"There's no point in running away. Running away only wears out your shoes."
"I'd like to get away as quick as possible. I've left my Mercedes parked downstairs and you know what they're like on this estate. They'd have the wheels off a Jumbo if it flew too low."
"If it's a girl they're calling her Sigourney after an actress, and if it's a boy they're naming him Rodney after Dave."
"Not only have you managed to sink every battleship and aircraft carrier that you've ever sailed on, but now you've gone and knackered a gravy boat."
"Derek, will you get it into your thick skull, I'm not trying to meet intelligent and sensitive people, I'm happy with you."
"You know this car's a GTI. If you rearrange the number plates then you got yourself a personalised number plate."
"One of my most favouritist meals is Duck à l'Orange, but I don't know how to say that in French."
"They'd have stood more chance with Ray Charles in the crow's nest."