Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

The ShortRead: MeatLIQUOR

books.jpg

The ShortRead of 3 December


meat

The Meatliquor Chronicles: Chapter and Verse

Authors: Yianni Papoutsis and Scott Collins

What's the story: No matter how much you like meat, Yianni Papoutsis and Scott Collins like it more than you do.

Founders of the UK's immensely successful (and tasty) MEATLiquor restaurants, the MEATLiquor Chronicles is a fat slice of their best recipes, served up with a side of guest dishes, anecdotes and stories behind the mouth-watering meals. 

The following recipe is for the ultimate hunger cure - the club sandwich - and a journey that led to its infamous position within the hearts of MEATLiquor's founders.

Release date: Out now. Also available in a limited edition gift set pack with Bulleit Bourbon. All proceeds of sales will go to MEATLiquor's charity of choice, Meningitis Now


Extract

The Casino Club

Dead of night. A motorway. Any motorway.

The Road is far from glamorous: bleary-eyed from too many hours scaring down the centre line, mind lugged by all kinds of whitc-line fever, knuckles bulging and stomach knotted, the distant lights of tonight's sanctuary beckon.

The car's pretty much parking itself by this point.

A man takes a credit card in exchange for a key card.

Base instincts take over.

Piss. Done.

Smoke. Done.

Drink. Done.

Now car.

It's well past the witching hour. The restaurants are all shut up tight.

Any cook with any talent has left work and is currently getting messed up on their drug of choice at the closest/cheapest bar/brothel.

Every nerve cries out for sustenance: stimulants will only get you so far in this life, boy.

One choice remains: that stained and dog-eared rectangle of card buried at the back of the faux-leatherette 'Welcome (translation: 'Fuck you') pack.

Why even bother reading it? You know it better than your own address by this point: a cynical selection of nukeable nastiness that can be prepared by even the most exploited night-shift worker.

Thai Curry.

Bolognese (always with a really inappropriate pasta).

Caesar. Fucking. Salad.

And there, tucked away at the bottom, a glimmer of hope in a sea of culinary despair.

The last resort of the hungry insomniac:

The Club Sandwich.

It promises everything a peripatetic inebriate might require in a lace-night meal:

Toasted bread.

Roasted bird.

Crisp lettuce.

Juicy tomatoes, Hellman's mayo.

Crisps.

Easy.

Trembling fingers stab at the buttons on the phone.

Half-understood insults arc traded with a disgusted operator.

Somehow an order is made.

Add a bucket of ice and...

Somehow this has cost forty quid.

Whisky is drunk.

Weed is smoked.

News is watched.

Ablutions are performed.

The anticipation reaches a zenith.

More whisky is drunk.

More weed is smoked.

Clean enough already: more weed is smoked.

A knock.

The door opens.

Ganja smoke billows out into the face of some poor bastard who's pulled the night shift.

Eyes are averted.

Signatures are taken.

Grubby notes change hands furtively in exchange for discretion.

Somehow this has now cost fifty quid.

But Food.

A cloche is raised.

A crest is fallen.

How can anybody get something so simplest fantastically wrong?

Soggy, cold, half-toasted bread; anaemic tomatoes; wilted lettuce; limp bacon; rancid mayonnaise; flaccid poultry.

No sodding crisps.

How do they fuck this up?

Every. God-darnned, Time.

Here's how not to.

WHAT YOU NEED

3 slices white bread

Butter

Good mayonnaise

4 slices smoked back bacon, cooked crispy

1 mad chicken breast

1 large tomato

1 slice S2 155 cheese

Iceberg lettuce

Salt

Ready salted crisps

1 whale dill pickle

Coleslaw 

Cocktail sticks

Avocado (optional)

Build it like this

Casino

Related

books.jpg

The ShortRead

books.jpg

The ShortRead: William Gibson

books.jpg

The ShortRead: George R. R. Martin

books.jpg

The ShortRead: Stephen King

books.jpg

The ShortRead: Marlon James

books.jpg

The ShortRead: Adam Nevill

More

The 10 best books of 2017, according to Amazon

Need something for your holiday? Get one of these

by Tom Victor
07 Aug 2017

Michael Bond, the creator of Paddington Bear, dies age 91

He brought joy to millions of childhoods

by Gary Ogden
28 Jun 2017

Everyone's taking the piss out of Brooklyn Beckham's photography book

Are they being too harsh on the kid?

by Carl Anka
26 Jun 2017

The 30 most memorable literary fathers

These book dads certainly left an impression

16 Jun 2017

I judged the International Booker Prize shortlist by their covers

So the saying doesn't go

by Gary Ogden
28 Apr 2017

Women fancy men who read and this is the book that impresses them most

But it doesn't work the other way

by Tom Mendelsohn
28 Apr 2017

The physical Amazon bookstore is using really cool ways to group books

Online meets the real world

by Dave Fawbert
03 Apr 2017

14 new books you need to read in April

The best picks for your reading pile this month

by Dan Dalton
31 Mar 2017

This bookshop is giving clickbait titles to all the classics

"Teenage girl tricked boyfriend into killing himself" - anyone?

by Emily Reynolds
31 Mar 2017

These bored book store employees deserve all the Instagram followers

Bookface goes French at Librairie Mollat

by Dave Fawbert
21 Mar 2017