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18 of the most disturbingly absurd Sunday Sport headlines


We live in an era of fake news thanks to the internet, the rise of social media and the general public’s capacity to believe any written word that’s put in front of them.

But all hope isn’t lost. We still have fine, well-respected print publications such as the Sunday Sport, who isn’t afraid to tell the good people of the UK the truth, like the national problems of sex dwarfs being eaten by badgers and working class men severely injuring their bellends.

Stay woke guys. Here’s 18 of the paper’s best stories...

When they revealed the true dangers of children’s accessory trends


And who we’re REALLY gorging on chow mein next to at our favourite all you can eat Chinese


Proving that Brian May doesn’t know what he’s talking about when he says don’t cull badgers, because they’re eating too many of our sex dwarfs


Erm...and the same for otters


When they uncovered the sex fiends roaming our supermarkets, keeping us safe from getting an eyeful of penis


Their lifestyle news is groundbreaking, educating us about which Labour MP lookalike bouncers you shouldn’t mess with


They weren’t afraid to talk about the decline of our education system and the lengths that kids would go through to not shit sit exams


Frankly we just feel safer knowing they’re out there getting scum like this off the streets


They’ve put your worries about the afterlife to rest


Because it’s most definitely real and all the greats are there


They’ve shown us what amazing feats humans can accomplish if they just put their minds to it


And they revealed the terrors of travelling abroad that you never even realised could happen


Thanks Sunday Sport for showing us that OAPs aren’t as defenseless and weak as the mainstream media would have us believe


And well done for revealing another perverted children’s entertainment star


That time they revealed how cruel this country could be


But how beautiful it can also be


Thank God for the Sunday Sport


Because regular news is shit and we need them more than ever




The 60 greatest newspaper headline puns


Masturbation breaks at work are good for you, apparently

This is a walrus's 22-inch dick bone.

Finally we have an answer to why humans don't have penis bones


This chilling 'Game of Thrones' theory about the Night King has legs

There's some quite compelling evidence

by Alex Finnis
21 Aug 2017

15 pictures of Mr. Blobby that sum up your horrible hangover

This is you, it is

by Sam Diss
18 Aug 2017

This new Netflix documentary is quickly becoming a must-watch

It's like nothing you've ever seen before

by Tom Victor
18 Aug 2017

Seth Rogen spills 'Superbad' secrets to celebrate its 10th birthday

Wait... you changed your name to... McLovin?

by Emily Reynolds
18 Aug 2017

The 20 best one-liners from the 2017 Edinburgh Fringe Festival

Laugh-out-loud funny

by Tom Victor
18 Aug 2017

'Game of Thrones' fans, could this beloved character be Cersei’s son?

Could it really be true?

by Kayleigh Dray
17 Aug 2017

The best ever uses of songs in movies - as chosen by Reddit

What's your pick?

by Gary Ogden
17 Aug 2017

Sergio Ramos just mercilessly destroyed Lionel Messi

Best in the world? Go fetch mate

by Carl Anka
17 Aug 2017

Gendry's 'Clovis' alias in 'Game of Thrones' could reveal his purpose

This show is so damn smart

by Alex Finnis
17 Aug 2017

Samuel L Jackson: "If Donald Trump broke into my house, I'd shoot him"

We chat to the movie legend about hentai, yachting and killing the President

by Andrew Dickens
16 Aug 2017