What is it about cars that can, ahem, drive people to distraction?
Just days after this incredibly honest ebay listing which described a 2004 Mini Cooper S which had "caused me more issues than the entire breakdown of my marriage", comes another one, with the owner proudly stating: "I f***ing hate the thing".
The opening line hits you with the classic, 'is it a money pit or is it a good investment' question you so often experience on ebay as it reads: "This is a real bargain to be honest. Even though this car has genuinely ruined my life," before a full and frank explanation of all the work that needs doing to it, along with the good and bad - mainly bad - times the owner has had with the vehicle, including "being pulled over for drink driving when I was actually just driving and dancing to Kate Bush erratically."
Like the killjoys they are, ebay deleted the original listing for containing too much swearing, so a new version can be found here if you want to get bidding (the auction closes on Saturday evening, with the top bid currently £1,550), but read on for the full, glorious, no-holds-barred rundown of this devil car.
This is a real bargain to be honest. Even though this car has genuinely ruined my life.
I bought it for £6000 and then found out I'd been sold a CAT C car. I won't lie to you, that p****d me off.
I crashed it within the first week with some minor damage to the bumper which I haven't bothered to fix.
I left it for five hours unaccompanied in Brixton while I attended a rave which I couldn't stay for the entirety as I had work at 6am and came back to find a can of Stella rammed in the bonnet, leaving a small crack.
The rave was s**t and wasn't worth it. I haven't fixed this either.
I was driving down the A10 and the silver exterior came flying off, hitting the window screen and scaring the s**t out of me. I still have both of these and I could fix this easily with superglue but I can't be bothered.
That's just about it with the exterior damage.
My MOT is due on the 27th. This IS passable. However. The work that needs to be done is as follows.
Suspension needs fixing, brake cable needs putting back up and I need two new seatbelts.
I've pretty much had it with this car. It's an easy fix and it only has 90,000 miles on the clock.
Just had two new tyres. Don't know why I bothered.
In all fairness, I've had some pretty good times with this car. It's never let me down, except for the upcoming MOT, and we've shared some good memories.
My puppy puking everywhere in it, being pulled over for drink driving when I was actually just driving and dancing to Kate Bush erratically and getting a 6 ft children's slide into it.
Impressive, I know.
Oh. The sunroof doesn't work. It got stuck open and the motor had to come out to get it shut. And when you press the buttons on the steering wheel they occasionally think you pressed a different one entirely.
If you're a Dad reading this, I think it's a good buy for your teenager as it will teach them patience. They also won't be able to go over 80mph without it sounding like they're going to break down.
But seriously, I think this is for a mechanic that can do it up and make a big profit margin.
It just needs a little love and I can't give it to it because I f*****g hate the thing.