From situationships to ghosting: Six dating dos and don’ts from an expert, so you don’t have to ask ChatGPT

Most of us have faced the general dating woes; the constant scrolling on dating apps as everyone claims 'not to take themselves to seriously', and the endless search for someone whose personality doesn't solely seem to consist of a perfect Sunday which includes going for a walk and a roast.

All the bad dates and ghosting is worth it though when you share the stories with your mates over a pint, right? But, whilst it's fun to share the stories, it's not always so fun to ask for dating advice. Between all the therapy jargon (red flags, boundaries, gaslighting), the guesswork, and the occasional awkward incident, it's not always easy to chat to your mates about the nitty gritty of a relationship.

So it's not surprise really that with the advance of AI, more men than ever are turning to ChatGPT. Men are three times more likely than women to use ChatGPT for relationship advice, and the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy found that more than a fifth (22%) of men said they’d be comfortable talking to an AI chatbot about their mental health.

Why is this happening?

Lulu Sinclair, psychotherapist and counsellor at Harley Street said: "This may be connected to men finding it harder to express their feelings than women do. With AI, you can be freer to set out what you’re looking for without fear of judgment or without needing to rein back on what your ideals are. You don’t have to self-censor.

If he’s feeling a little uncertain or insecure about the process, then having AI as an initial “go to” friend and adviser can help allay those worries. [T]he dating game is fraught at the best of times and, if AI helps men to take that first step towards finding a partner, then I think it’s worth a try.”

We chatted to dating expert Jamie Johnston - founder of neurodivergent dating platform, Mattr - who shared his top six dating dos and don'ts so you don’t have to ask AI or your mates.

1. Don’t just rely on technology that isn’t human to solve human problems

"Don’t solely rely on technology - use them as prompts but don’t take everything they say as gospel. It’s a good starting point if you’re nervous about opening up. Do seek guidance with your friends, especially ones that are in relationships for relationship advice.

Keeping in touch with your friends is so important - encouragement from guys to guys goes such a long way. We’re good at ripping the piss out of each other and that’s fun and great, but getting compliments from your friends and celebrating little wins together is just as important."

2. If someone asks you to be exclusive but you’re not ready, Do say something

"A really common problem is when one person asks the other to be exclusive and the other doesn’t feel ready. A lot of the time people will go along with becoming exclusive or official when they’re not ready because they don’t want to lose them. However, contrary to what people think, it’s not a case of the next step or nothing at all - you can keep growing the relationship without taking that next step. People go at different speeds in relationships - the main thing is you feel happy, comfortable and excited.

If this situation happens, just be clear that it’s not that you don’t want to in the future, it’s just not the time right now."

3. Don’t ghost - communicate, even when it feels uncomfortable and awkward

"Everyone hates ghosts. People ghost because they don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings but the irony is that ghosting stings a lot more. People want an answer or an explanation, so just be open. It’s better for both of you in the long run even though it hurts at the beginning."

4. If you want to get back with an ex, Do remember why you broke up in the first place

"Don’t presume that because you’ve had a break they’ve changed. Remember the bad times as well as the good ones. If you’re sure that you’re both ready to take that step, take it slow. Remember that your past relationship is in the past, and you are trying to start afresh."

5. Do use apps that tailor to conditions that are a big part of your life

"On our app, Mattr, we specialise in vulnerability; if for example you have ADHD like me, you can state that. If you’re neurodivergent, or if you’ve been really harmed by a past relationship so you have anxiety about meeting someone new - more specialised apps give you the space to articulate that in a safe and secure environment.

If you’re really particular about certain lifestyle things - like you’re sober, or vegan, or very religious, it’s very important to pick a dating app that is specifically for that community. As someone who works in the dating app world - there really is an app for every person and every community."

6. Don’t let yourself be defined by ‘masculinity’

"75% of people do not talk about vulnerabilities due to fear of embarrassment or past experiences - which is huge. A lot of men are scared of being a pity case or thinking that they’re not up to things - this can mean they really close up when feeling vulnerable about relationships.

A lot of the discourse about masculinity is detrimental to men talking as it encourages a ‘strength’ that revolves around not being vulnerable, but being vulnerable is the greatest strength men can display. Tuning with your emotions and being vulnerable is not a weakness and it’s vital to relationships and friendships. It also makes you a much more attractive person to be with - no one wants to be with someone who doesn’t know what they want or how to express themselves. Reminding yourself of this and encouraging your mates to think about it this way is definitely important in having a successful relationships."

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Main image credit: Ippei Naoi via Getty