I absolutely LOVE chicken nuggets. What I do at the end of a night when I’ve had a couple of crème de menthes, is I go into McDonald’s and I order nine chicken nuggets, some cheese bites and a box of chicken selects (which when you really think about it, are also nuggets of chicken). No chips or a drink though, because the drink is a waste of time and also chips are absolutely disgusting when you finish them in the morning, but the nuggets are not.
You see, I love waking up with a box of cold nuggets lying on my chest and strenously leaning forward, picking a one up, wiping it inside the corner of the box (you have to do this quite aggressively because the curry sauce will have gone hard overnight) and plopping it into my furry, steaming mouth, then flopping backwards, sighing, and going back to sleep.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that nuggets are the best and I could eat them forever if I didn’t have a rippling six-pack to maintain. Thankfully, it seems that someone over in America shares my undying love for those cute little crispy morsels of heaven, because she got in quite the tizzy when she wasn’t served the required amount. And I am behind her every step of the way.
She and her chicken-loving mates went into the drive-thru of fast food chain Jack in the Box in Washington, and ordered some hot, yummy, battered chunks of smooth chicken and drove round to the most exciting window of all time: the serving window.
Only thing was, allegedly they forgot her drink, which is slightly annoying, but nothing a polite reminder won’t do to remedy. Unfortunately, then something unforgivable happened: they didn’t give her enough chicken nuggets – she got one too few. So what she did, in my opinion, was behave entirely reasonably given her situation.
Firstly, when she finally got her drink, she immediately hurled it through the drive-thru window, which was swiftly closed. Of course, this is not enough revenge for missing out on nuggets, so she got out of the car with her friend, who was presumably just as angry – nobody want to see their mate denied chicken – and began to try and smash the window with their fists.
Probably need one more show of aggression though, I rate – drinks and fists aren’t really enough when you’re down on nuggets. So she got her pistol out and pointed it at the employees. She didn’t shoot it of course – she’s not a monster – instead she just got back in the car and sped off.
Good on her, I say*. Chicken nuggets certainly aren’t a trite issue and should be treated with extreme respect – this ain’t your grandma’s beeswax, this is a matter of international business. I mean, personally if I don’t get enough nuggets I usually just tut, maybe twist my bedsheets around my fist a bit and be done with it, but she knew what she wanted, and I admire that.
Thing is, she got arrested down the road because the employees (the very same ones who got the order wrong, remember) noted down her number plate and dobbed her in. Liberty.
She was charged with three counts of first-degree assault, and her mates went down for assault, possession of Xanax, obstructing law enforcement and possessing a stolen nine millimetre handgun with 14 hollow-point bullets.
My advice is, next time you get one less nugget in your bag, just hold in the boiling anger, and respectfully ask to have the situation rectified – that way you get your extra nugget and also you don’t go to prison. Think about it, that bonus nugget could mean you have one extra to eat in the morning – and I certainly can’t think of many things better than a two-nugget breakfast in bed. ?
*I would like to point out that we don’t actually condone gun violence, obviously, I just really, really like chicken nuggets