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Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom

Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom

Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom
29 September 2015

Video games can be deep.

Like many other forms of entertainment, just as you've unplugged your brain and began to ease into a pit of relaxation, they sneak up alongside you and smack you between the eyes with a big fat wisdom bomb. 

Or, they do something like this... 

Well thanks, confusingly sexual naked cat lady.

This is just one of the many segments of video game wisdom collected together by our new favourite Twitter account, Video Game Advisor

Purporting to offer "Sage advice from the world's most trusted source: video games", it's the humorous blast of nostalgia you've been needing in your Twitter feed. 

Here are some of its best proverbs to date.

Harkin (Mass Effect)

Year: 2007

"Secrets are like herpes: If you got 'em, might as well spread 'em around."

Oregon Trail

Year: 1971

"...the harder you have to try, the more points you deserve!"

The Jackal (Far Cry 2)

Year: 2008

"You can't break a man the way you do a dog or a horse. The harder you beat a man, the taller he stands."

G Man (Half-Life 2)

Year: 2004

"The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world."

John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)

Year: 2010

"Some trees flourish, others die. Some cattle grow strong, others are taken by wolves. Some men are born rich enough and dumb enough to enjoy their lives. Ain't nothing fair."

Andrew Ryan (BioShock)

Year: 2007

"We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us."

Naomi Hunter (Metal Gear Solid)

Year: 1998

"You mustn't allow yourself to be chained to fate, to be ruled by your genes. Human beings can choose the kind of life that they want to live. What's important is that you choose life... and then live."

Nick (Left 4 Dead 2)

Year: 2009

"Technically, you're not supposed to use an elevator in a fire. But that might not apply during a zombie apocalypse."

Ada Wong (Resident Evil 6)

Year: 2012

"The more things change, the more they stay the same."

Quelana of Izalith (Dark Souls)


"Always fear the flame, lest you be devoured by it, and lose yourself."

Zoltan Chivay (The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings)

Year: 2011

"Drinking alone's as bad as shitting in company."

Emperor Uriel Septim VII (Elder Scrolls: Oblivion)

Year: 2006

"Men are but flesh and blood. They know their doom, but not the hour."

Max Payne (Max Payne)

Year: 2001

"Dreams have a nasty habit of going bad when you're not looking."

HK-47 (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic)

Year: 2003

"One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards." (Quoting Oscar Wilde, the clever little droid)

Sheik (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

Year: 1998

"Time passes, people move. Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition."

Niko Bellic (Grand Theft Auto IV)

Year: 2008

"War is when the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other."

Dr Wallace Breen (Half-Life 2)

Year: 2004

"Be wise. Be safe. Be aware."

Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)

Year: 1998

"Unfortunately, killing is just one of those things that gets easier the more you do it."

Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)

Year: 1999

"Right and wrong are not what separate us and our enemies. It's our different standpoints, our perspectives that separate us. Both sides blame one another. There's no good or bad side. Just two sides holding different views."

Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)

Year: 1997

"Nobody is perfect... That is of course until you fall in love with them..."

Sniper (Team Fortress 2)

Year: 2007

"At the end of the day, as long as there are two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."

Cortana (Halo 3)

Year: 2007

"Don’t make a girl a promise if you know you can’t keep it."

Detective Rusty Galloway (L. A. Noire)

Year: 2011

"You crunch a roach under your heel, you don't worry about what it's feeling, you just grind it into the pavement."

Chesty (Fable 2)

Year: 2008

"Because that's how games work. Winners get prizes and losers bleed a lot and then get eaten by worms."

Sheva Alomar (Resident Evil 5)

Year: 2009

"There's only so much one person can do."

Cave Johnson (Portal 2)

Year: 2011

"Science isn't about why - it's about why not."

Martin Finnegan (BioShock)

Year: 2007

"If you can't come in from the cold, then you gotta grow ice over your heart."

Ezio (Assassin's Creed II)

Year: 2007

"Don’t ever stop. Always keep going, no matter what happens and is taken from you. Even when life is so unfair, don’t give up."

Foo Priest (Dragon Warrior VII)

Year: 2000

"Honesty is the key to any relationship. If you can fake that, you're set."

Samus Aran (Metroid: Other M)

Year: 2010

"My past is not a memory. It's a force at my back. It pushes and steers. I may not always like where it leads me, but like any story, the past needs resolution. What's past is prologue."


Year: 2008

"Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness. By forgiving too readily, we can be badly hurt. But if we've learned from a mistake and become better for it, shouldn't we be rewarded for the learning, rather than punished for the mistake?"

Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

Year: 2013

"A famous explorer once said, that the extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are."

Sword teacher (The Secret of Monkey Island)

Year: 1990

"Swordfighting is a little like making love. It's not always what you do, but what you say."

Carl Johson (Grand Theft Auto San Andreas)

Year: 2004

"We all know drugs are for losers, and/or sex maniacs..."

Pandora (God of War III)

Year: 2010

"Hope is what makes us strong. It is why we are here. It's what we fight with when all else is lost."

Emperor Yoshiro (Command and Conquer 3)

Year: 2007

"Given enough time, any man may master the physical. Given enough knowledge, any man may become wise. It is a true warrior, who can master both."

Waka (Okami)

Year: 2006

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So just take it step by step."

Ryu (Street Fighter Alpha 3)

Year: 1998

"True victory is to give all of yourself, without regret."

Kellogg (Fallout 4)

Year: 2015

"The thing about happiness is that you only know you had it when it's gone. I mean, you may think to yourself that you're happy. But you don't really believe it. You focus on the petty bull ****, or the next job, or whatever. It's only looking back by comparison with what comes after that you really understand, that's what happiness felt like."

Mercy (Overwatch)

Year: 2016

"Heroes never die."

Nathan Drake (Uncharted 3)

Year: 2011

"All men dream - but not equally. Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity... But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did." From T. E. Lawrence's Seven Pillars of Wisdom

Bayonetta (Bayonetta)

Year: 2010

"When you love something, never lose it. Understand, little one? You must keep it safe, close to your heart."

Manuel Calavera (Grim Fandango)

Year: 1998

"You can't hide from the Grim Reaper. Especially when he's got a gun."

Chronicle of the Metal Age (Thief II)

Year: 2000

"Reliance upon others is weakness for the strong but strength for the weak. Wisdom and balance lie in knowing your own nature over time."

Final Doom

Year: 1996

"Remember to tell your grandkids to put a rocket launcher in your coffin. If you go to Hell when you die, you’ll need it for some final cleaning-up..."

Magus (Chrono Trigger)

Year: 1995

"The weak only strive to be weaker."

Alucard Tepes (Castlevania)

Year: 1997

"You must always remember that the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." (Quoting an observation thought to be originally made by philosopher Edmund Burke)

Youngster (Pokémon Blue/Red/Yellow)

Year: Various

"I like shorts! They’re comfy and easy to wear!"

Morrigan (Dragon Age: Origins)

Year: 2009

"There's no fool like a drunken fool. So Mother told me, and 'tis still true."

The Mind (System Shock 2)

Year: 1999

"What is a drop of rain, compared to the storm? What is a thought, compared to the mind?"

Peppy Hare (Lylat Wars/Star Fox 64)

Year: 1997

"Never give up. Trust your instincts."


Year: 1997

"War. War never changes"

Secret of Mana


"Time flows like a river, and history repeats..."

Strong (Fallout 4)

Year: 2016

"Milk is secret to humans. Mack Beth say milk make humans strong. Stronger than super mutants. Strong find milk, drink milk. Make super mutants stronger than humans."

Soldier:76 (Overwatch)

Year: 2016

"I'm not a young man anymore."

Victor Sullivan (Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception)

Year: 2011

"We don't get to choose how we start in this life. Real 'greatness' is what you do with the hand you're dealt."

Adam Jenson (Deus Ex: Human Revolution)

Year: 2011

"Corporations have more power than the government."

Amy Chen (TimeSplitters: Future Perfect)

Year: 2005

"People who use their own names for their passwords deserve to be hacked."

Minsc (Baldur's Gate)

Year: 1998

"Cities always teem with evil and decay."

Altair (Assassin's Creed)

Year: 2007

"Only a mind free of impediments is capable of grasping the chaotic beauty of the world."

Ignitus (The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon)

Year: 2008

"Even in the darkest of times, there is always hope. But sometimes fear clouds our vision. Sometimes our strength gives out. And yet sometimes, when all seems lost, a light shines through the darkness, and we are reminded that even the smallest amount of courage can turn the tides of war."

Gouken (Super Street Fighter IV)

Year: 2010

"We are all our own worst enemy. But also our best teacher."

Micolash (Bloodborne)

Year: 2015

"Grant us eyes, grant us eyes. Plant eyes on our brains, to cleanse our beastly idiocy."

Clay Kaczmarek (Assassin's Creed: Revelations)

Year: 2011

"What is a man but the sum of his memories? We are the stories we live, the tales we tell ourselves."

Rose (Street Fighter Alpha 3)

Year: 1998

"Every action has the potential to fill or empty one's heart."

Warcraft 2: Tides of Darkness

Year: 1995

"Never pet a burning dog."

Lulu (Final Fantasy X)

Year: 2001

"No matter how dark the night, the morning always comes."

Albert Wesker (Umbrella Chronicles)

Year: 2007

"The only thing that can defeat power, is more power."

Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

Year: 2013

"A famous explorer once said that the extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are."

Mathais (Tomb Raider)

Year: 2013

"There are no heroes here, only survivors!"

Hawkeye Gough (Dark Souls)

Year: 2012

"What is bravery, without a dash of recklessness?" 

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

Year: 1987

"If all else fails use fire."

Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)

Year: 1999

"Someday you're bound to lose everything. Everybody around you will be gone."

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Year: 2011

"Remember to use nutrients to replenish your health."

Kingdom Hearts

Year: 2002

"The closer you get to the Light... the greater your shadow becomes."

[Via: Kotaku]