Two criminals rob an ATM with a blowtorch, set fire to the money, urinate on it to put out the flames

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Gary Ogden

Today, in amazingly inept crime news: two men attempted to rob an ATM with a blowtorch, but ended up setting fire to all the money. Oh and then they tried to piss all over it to put out the flames.

The two “burglars” targeted the cash point in Everett, Washington, US, and tried to burn through the outside of the machine to get at the cash inside. Obviously, money is made out of paper, and in a game of paper, scissors, fire, fire beats paper – so obviously all the money went up like a Pixar movie.

So – of course – they wazzed all over it to put it out. Whether this worked and whether they got away with any money is unclear, but regardless, it’s a top-notch display of incompetence. You know they’d be the star segment if America’s Dumbest Criminals was still on the air. What a show that was, eh?

Here’s some footage:

Top stuff, guys.

(Image: Everett Police Department)


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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the screaming thing though. @garyblogden

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