An incredibly niche corner of the internet is urging everyone to swap the mighty shower beer for an orange. That’s right – an orange.
The r/ShowerOrange subreddit is a place for veterans and excitable newcomers alike to come together and celebrate the thrill of biting into the fruit mid-scrub. Some of these mavericks even eat the peel.
We said niche, but since its inception over 8,500 people have the joined movement, which was first uncovered by BuzzFeed’s Brad Esposito.
To understand the appeal we have to consider the undisputed number one problem with eating an orange in the wild: they are a perfectly nice white Oxford shirt-ruining catastrophe waiting to happen. Not an issue for naked showerers; any mess is gone in seconds. Inspired.
“PHOTON_BANDIT, would you like to know what the most liberating, carnal, and best feel-good thing you can ever experience is?” the councilor is said to have asked.
No curious BANDIT would say no to that kind of proposition.
“Well just think about it PHOTON_BANDIT. Tearing apart a cold fresh orange with your bare hands, just letting the juices run over your body. Not worrying if you’re going to get sticky, or anything. Just ripping it in half, and tearing into it with your teeth like a savage cannibal who hasn’t eaten in a week! Yes PHOTON_BANDIT, this is the most carnal, ferocious, liberating thing a man can do.”
And the rest, as they say, is history.
No doubt you’re reading this while scanning the fruit bowl in preparation for your next wash, but be warned that there are rules. The r/ShowerOrange collective will under no circumstances accept grapefruits as an acceptable weapon of choice. Oranges, clementines, tangerines and blood oranges are fine, but back the fuck away with your grapefruits.
Oh, and no nudity. Get your kinky fruit-eating kicks elsewhere, yeah?
(All images from Reddit: Do_You_Even_Beer/Greymalken/SirKanyeofWest)
