How to get a Kanye West water bottle costume in time for all your ironic Halloween parties
Someone is bound to ask
After watching Kanye West dress as a water bottle to perform with Lil Pump on Saturday Night Live, we were left with a few questions.
Most of these questions were “why?”, repeated at differing volumes with varying levels of incredulity before broadening our vision and asking whether we’d be able to buy (or at least make) our own version for halloween.
Well, we have some good news and some bad news.
The bad news: at the time of writing we have been unable to find water bottle costumes that are specifically Perrier water bottle costumes. This strikes us as unsurprising, considering it’s unlikely that anyone, before the last few days, would want one.
However, thanks to capitalism, we wouldn’t be surprised to see something emerge in time for Halloween and we’ll update this post accordingly.
If were being cynical we’ll say that Kanye is likely in the process of packaging up an expensive limited batch of bottle suits on his own website. Just like he did with the dumb outfit he wore in the video for ‘I Love It’ alongside Lil Pump. An outfit we’d describe as ‘a big rectangular suit’ that he saw fit to charge $200 (£153) for and has since been removed from his website. Probably because he’s got a new batch of water bottle outfits turning up in a few days.
We digress, the good news is that before Kanye’s stupidly expensive one arrives, we’ve found some workable alternatives for you.
Simple Green Bottle Costume
This is your best bet for passing as Perrier Kanye from a distance.
There are a fair few green beer bottle costumes out there, which means (a) it shouldn’t be hard to customise them and (b) the suppliers may well have enough green fabric lying around to change the labelling from beer to water or if you’re feeling flush, accept a unique bespoke commission from you.
Just paint over the ‘beer’ part, or get a really big sticker to cover it up. How hard can it be? You can buy green fabric paint here and it’s not that expensive.
Fancier Green Bottle Costume
Yes, this might *technically* be a copyright law friendly ‘Staggermeister’ bottle, but it’s easy enough to cover up that logo. Now, that logo is quite large however so whilst you could probably paint over it (with green fabric paint you can buy right here, remember) it’ll probably take absolutely ages. We’d suggest instead getting yourself some matching green fabric (which you can buy right here!), cutting into into a suitable shape and sewing it over theat dreaded label.
What’s more, the gold bottle-cap detail is in line with the gold tint on the neck of Ye’s Perrier bottle. You’re basically more than halfway there already.
Brown Beer Bottle Costume
OK. It’s not green is it? But do not let this worry you. You see, as we all learnt from the Loftus and Palmer’s 1974 psychology study of eye witness testimony, our memories are unreliable and can be shaped by leading questions and the language that we use.
It might seem like some Derren Brown rubbish but just be confident and assure your naysayers that their memory of Kanye’s original suit is incorrect and slap their smartphone straight outta their hands before they can Google anything. If they raise their eyebrows (they probably will), say you’re in character as Obnoxious Bottle Kanye.
Or, you know, cover it with fabric. It’s possible you have lots of green fabric lying around your house are waiting to find a use for it. Maybe you bought loads of the stuff trying to customise the last bottle and are having a second attempt with this one. We just do not know.
In the off-chance you have loads of green fabric that you need to use up, it is almost certainly not a waste of your time or money buying a brown beer bottle costume that’s more expensive than the previous green ones and greening it up (leave just enough brown for the distinctive neck of the bottle…). If you are serious about this and ready to work, here’s your answer. Maybe you even have an old green morph suit to drape over the top, having used it for an It’s Always Sunny in Philladelphia costume in years gone by.
Blue Bottle Costume (the Lil Pump option)
One for the budding Halloween double-acts, here. Yes, Kanye’s bottle was green, but Lil Pump’s is blue, and you know what they say - the more, the Perrier (*groans go up from audience*).
If you’ve already been beaten to the punch by a Kanye-loving pal or you like to be a bit more obscure with your character dress-ups, why not offer to join the party by reimagining this blue vodka bottle costume as - you guessed it - a blue water bottle costume.
The Other Kanye Costume (from the ‘I Love It’ video)
Now, as previously mentioned, this wasn’t the first bizarre outfit we’ve seen Ye in this year. In a previous performance of ‘I Love It,’ both he and Lil Pump donned large rectangular suits, as shown above. Naturally, Kanye put replicas on sale for the princely sum of $200 (£153) for the pair, but these now appear to be unavailable but do not fear. It would likely be quite simple to just customise a big ol’cardboard box. Just use your brain to figure it out, it’s literally a box. Or use this.
Additionally there’s Kanye’s other costume. However, . However, we will not link out to where you can buy MAGA hats because, quite frankly, the idea repulses us. If that’s your bag and you don’t mind offending the sensibilities of most people just have a google.