published
Follow these steps and be instantly attractive to millions of women
Have long, tousled hair
Stand on bleak hilltops to allow said hair to dramatically billow
Have two stares: 1) The thousand-yard stare, which indicates a depth of emotion which you would never actually show as it’s too unmanly; 2) The meaningful stare, which, when directed at a woman, indicates imminent raw passion, or if directed at a man, indicates imminent raw violence
Ride a horse. Preferably a stallion
Get injured. Scars look cool, and suggest life struggles, which only the love of a woman can truly heal. Injuries also allow you to take off your shirt so you can show off your body and be mothered by the female lead – even though you’re far from a little boy, you’re a really massive man. Vulnerable brutes go down pretty well
Be supportive of gender politics, despite the heavily misogynistic brutality of the oppressive era your show’s set in
Be provincial
Be a virgin, who requires a more experienced woman to show you the ropes. Importantly, you must then turn out to be a proper all-night animal in the sack with no premature ejaculation concerns at all
Never use cutlery
(Images: BBC, Rex, All Star)
