Being a professional footballer must be amazing.
The money, the glory, the adulation, the not-having-anything-to-do-with-your-afternoons-so-you-can-just-play-FIFA-all-day. You must wake up every single day full of the joys of spring, praising your particular god for bestowing the talents upon you which you are putting to such glorious use.
But it seems that Derek Hales didn’t feel that way.
Despite being a Charlton Athletic legend during two spells at the club - becoming their all-time record goalscorer in the process - and sustaining a 16-year footballing career which also took him to Luton Town, Derby County, West Ham and Gillingham, it seems that he was thoroughly fed up with his lot on this planet.
Twitter user Charlie Connelly posted up this incredible matchday programme interview with him, conducted in 1979, when he was ‘enjoying’ his second spell with Charlton, during which he makes clear his disdain for basically everything.
Just take a look at this absolute barrel of laughs:
Naturally, people loved it.
While someone gave us an update on his post-football career.
Honestly, we’re shocked.
However, the above profile was not the only example of Hales’ rather grumpy demeanour; he famously had an on-pitch fight with a teammate back in January 1979.
The incident happened during an FA Cup tie at the The Valley against Maidstone and centred on Derek ‘Killer’ Hales’s testicles (or, rather, testicle).
After Hales failed to pass to teammate Mike Flanagan, his strike partner apparently called him a ‘one-bollocked bastard’ leading to a fight breaking out. They were both sent off. We can only imagine the scenes in the dressing room afterwards.
God bless you Derek, stay miserable forever.