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Facebook is the new Tinder (and other things we learned this week)

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Gary Ogden
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Facebook is the new Tinder (and other things we learned this week) 3

Looky here, big man, it’s time you wised up and had a go on that brain of yours, really gave it a good thrashing. And to do that, you’re going to need a sexy stream of stimulating fuel, aren’t ya? Well guess what, buster - we’ve got a damn sack-full of it right here. Enjoy!

There’s a pretty funky easter egg in Avengers: Infinity War for your asses

Not gonna tell you it here, though, that would be punishable by death! So you see that little link down there, nope, up a bit, that’s the one, click on it. Enjoy!

Read more here

Lionel Messi is an actual robot, and we have the proof

How else is he so good at kicking that damn ball, eh? Kicks it so hard and so well, just kicking it to where he wants it to go, kicking it all the way to the bastard goal! KICK! KICKER! KICKSTABLE! KICK AND MORTY!

No but actually, here’s why he’s so good

A lot of bad things happen to good people in Infinity War - here’s what it means for the franchise

More Avengers content? You better believe it, you plonker, we’re absolutely drilling a hole into your skull and pouring some sweet, sweet Marvel goodness into that cavity of yours. Drown from the inside of your own head, plonker, drown from the inside of your own head.

Read more here, but if you haven’t seen it yet, obviously don’t, because it’s full of so many spoilers that it’ll make your butt ache

Also, while we’ve got you, why not read this about why the trailers for the film were so great, even though they lied to us? Why not? WHY NOT.

The trailers for 'Avengers: Infinity War" were actually perfect, and here's what other films could learn from it

The Incredible Mr Beard and Hairy Hairy Hair Hair from the Revengers: Infinity And Beyond

The Streets made a couple of rather hefty bangers, and make no mistake

So we ranked them. We got all the singles, and we ranked them. DEAL WITH IT, TEACH.

Read the ranking here

People Just Do Nothing is coming back for a new series, everybody

How exciting, how fun, what a lark, yumma yumma yumma. Your favorite pirate radio station crew is back on the airwaves for a fifth and final series, and hey, sue us, but we reckon it’s gonna be top-drawer. 

Read more about it here, even though all the information you need on this is in the title. There is a funny video though

Millenials don’t like that very particular type of fun that comes with doing the thing we must now only refer to in hushed circles as “drinking”

Yeah, they’re not pinning enough of the stuff, you fresher, and so Tesco is making its wine bottles smaller. Just because of a few bore-pants Barries, the rest of us will have to make do with wine for babies.

Read more here

Facebook is the new Tinder (and other things we learned this week)

ERM THOSE GLASSES AREN’T FILLED UP PROPERLY GUYS

The boss of Sainsbury’s loves a little sing-song, so he does

Not much to say about this, other than: in an interview in which you are to defend your actions - actions which may lead to the loss of hundreds of jobs - you should resolutely not start singing “We’re in the money” in front of a camera that is 100% filming you.

Watch the amazing, AMAZING, video here

You look extremely fetching in sunglasses, it must be said

You also look lovely in a wide range of other garments, it is true. Such a fashionable fella, you.

Look at all the lovely clothes and things you can wear and look fit in here

If you want to be a pilot, you can literally be a pilot

And you don’t even need to be a millionaire, or even know how to fly a plane. Great, isn’t it? If you’re quick, you can apply to work at Aer Lingus, and they’ll train you for free! It’s a very easy way into the mile-high club, which is the name for the club that all the pilots are in.

Apply here, and godspeed!

Facebook is the new Tinder (and other things we learned this week) 1

You, flying the plane, with not a fucking clue what you’re doing

You can now meet your next sexy friend on Facebook, instead of Tinder

You know Tinder, right? Course you do - it’s that thing that you use when you’re in the toilet - it gets you kisses and stuff. Well, Facebook want in on all that kissing, and so have introduced their own dating feature. Log on, poke, chat, wedding - it’s very simple, this relationship nonsense.

Read more here

Celine Dion’s new song is a stone-cold banger, haters

It’s from the Deadpool 2 soundtrack, and it is a certified slice of gold. The video is also fantastic. Just everything about it is great. I could write 35 thousand words about it, but I won’t for many reasons. Instead:

Read more here

There are a heck of a lot of good, non-blockbuster movies coming out this summer

Like, explosions are cool and kicking people is a right laugh, but sometimes it’s nice to watch a film that doesn’t have either an explosion or someone getting kicked every five minutes. Sometimes, it’s nice to just sit down and watch a really normal film about normal stuff.

Read our list of picks here, and please made it be known that regardless of what was just said, there is a distinct possibility that one or more of these films may contain either an explosion or someone getting kicked

Facebook is the new Tinder (and other things we learned this week) 2

A man, in a film, neither being in an explosion or getting kicked

(Images: Getty)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the screaming thing though. @garyblogden

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