We've got some terrible, terrible news for cheese lovers - and Brexit is to blame
*Starts stock-piling cheddar*
When the stress and drudgery of life gets you down, your bank balance has pretty much dried up and your love life’s going absolutely nowhere, there’s one thing that’ll never fail to lift your spirits. I’m talking, of course, about mighty… cheese!
Cheese will always be there for you, day or night. A good wedge of cheddar or a smooth helping of brie… it just can’t be beaten.
But a new report from the London School of Economics has found that dairy products including butter, yoghurt and cheese could become luxury items after Brexit because of rising costs.
If we ever needed an argument to abandon this whole Brexit mess then boy is this a bloody strong one: because how will the nation cope when we can’t gorge ourselves with cheese on toast?
The LSE research, published in the Guardian, also found that speciality cheeses could become scarce after Brexit, regardless of whatever trade deal Theresa May comes up with.
At the minute, Britain does not produce enough milk to keep up with demand, meaning it’s reliant on dairy surplus countries like Ireland, Germany and France to satisfy the UK’s ravishing hunger for all things dairy.
In the worst-case, no-Brexit-deal scenario, the UK would revert to World Trading Organisation rules, which would carry high tariffs. Fresh mozzarella, for example, has a tariff of 41% while unripened cheese carries a levy of 68%.
But even if a deal were struck, prices of dairy products could still go up.
“Fuel costs, lorry maintenance, loss of perishable goods shelf life and increased wages of lorry drivers” could all factor in, according to the LSE research.
Reacting to the news, Twitter was rightly horrified.
It’s now or never, folks. If we don’t get our acts together soon and put a stop to this Brexit madness we’ll end up living in a post-cheese, post-apocalyptic, Mad Max-style nightmare realm. We cannot let this happen.